


Wish Unspoken, Dream Unbroken

by TamChronin



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-05
Updated: 2003-03-05
Packaged: 2019-06-11 20:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15324096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamChronin/pseuds/TamChronin
Summary: It begins with a stolen kiss that no one was expecting. Suddenly Touya realizes he must confront his emotions, or everything could fall apart and everything he had given up would be for nothing.





	1. Chapter 1

Tsukishiro Yukito stood in the doorway, looking out at the yard as the sun set. Everything was touched with an orange glow, changing the appearance of things just enough that the landscape looked slightly unreal. Some things glowed vividly with the change in lighting, others faded and became dull, but everything began to dim as the sunset progressed.

Yukito was looking to the east, waiting. From this particular door, on nights like this, if he waited patiently he could see the moon rise, still tainted with that orange glow of sunset. It would be larger than life, a vision that used to haunt his dreams, and he would watch it as the day melted into night around him.

The phone rang softly in another room, but he didn’t move to answer it. The ringing continued for a time, then stopped, and Yukito was left with his peaceful contemplation again. The moon was just rising, and he didn’t want to miss it. The sky was a much deeper blue now, almost the nighttime sky but not quite. Everything was being taken by shadow, and only the highest clouds showed signs of being touched by direct rays of sunlight. A soft breeze stirred up a hint of chill in the summer air as the warmth of day abandoned this part of the world.

The moon rose into full view, larger than it had a right to be. It dominated the horizon with its borrowed warm glow. Yukito had a strange urge to kick off his shoes and run into the yard to spin in circles under the light. As he thought about it he could almost feel the grass tickle the soles of his feet. The lawn would be cool to the touch, still damp from the morning watering, and the air would be heavier with the water vapor rising from the greenery.

He shook his head, resisting temptation. He would watch and wait. The moon was still rising, the day was still fading, and the crystal clarity of a full moon night awaited. As he set aside the longing to dance on the lawn though, another urge took over. He could climb up on the roof and lay under the stars as he watched the moon cross the sky. It was something he loved doing on the full moon, almost irresistible. He fondly remembered one night when he had come over to study with Touya and Sakura had been sneaking out herself to enjoy the same irresistible sight. It had made him happy to know that he wasn’t alone in his appreciation, even if it had been a little later than she should probably have been out. He wasn’t about to tell on her though when he understood how persuasive that pull could be.

He headed to the roof by way of the kitchen, collecting a few things to bring with him to snack on. He collected everything in a bag before heading to the side yard to pull out the ladder. As he climbed, he pulled out a sandwich and ate absently. As long as the food was there he felt an obligation to eat it. He sat down on the roof and ate as slowly as he could force himself to as he continued staring at the sky. As soon as the food was finished he lay down to get a wider view of the sky, though his eyes were still drawn to the moon. He lost track of time as he fell into contemplating the heavens and how vast everything was. No matter how you looked, there was always something more to see, either on a cosmic scale, or a microscopic scale. A person could spend eternity looking out at just this world and still find something new, but looking out at the night sky opened many more possibilities.

Yukito’s eyes slipped out of focus as he drifted on the high of possibility. His mind was completely distracted from the magic wind that began to caress his skin and play with wisps of his silvery hair. It wasn’t until he noticed an intensifying glow centered upon himself that he gave any thought to anything but the present.  _Ah, Yue,_  he thought before his mind lost focus entirely and white, feathery wings obscured his view of the world.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Kinomoto Touya was walking home slowly from a long day at work. Summer days may be lazy days for most students, but it only meant he had more time to spend at one of the part time jobs he seemed to collect like paperclips. Yes, paperclips. They popped up all over the place, they held things together, but you never hung on to one specific one for any length of time. That’s how it felt to him at least, because he found himself going just about anywhere in pursuit of that little bit of extra money.

"Tadaima," he called out softly as he kicked off his shoes. He was met by the silence of a house at rest, just the soft hum of appliances running or the muffled sound of a sleepy cough. He changed out of his work clothes first, the rummaged for something to eat. He was lucky, there were leftovers that tasted like their father had done the cooking, and dessert actually still awaited him for when he was finished.

He cleaned up after himself and realized he was still too restless to sleep, or even sit still while everyone else slept around him. He was feeling better than he had in months, and that was a feeling he was happy to exploit. He penned a quick note for his father in case he woke in the middle of the night and worried, then headed out the door for a walk.

It was a nice night, glowing under the moonlight with an occasional bit of cloud flitting across the sky. The clouds that did make an appearance were outlined in luminous silver, brightening the landscape in the ghostly glow even more. A night like this would be a magnet for restless spirits to wander through, but Touya no longer knew when one was near. His whole life he had seen them, until he had given his magic away just this past winter. Now he knew from experience that the streets would be occupied by former people, but he saw nothing of them.

He missed it a lot. There was no going around that. His mother was one of the ghosts that he would no longer be able to see. He hadn’t been a mere medium either--giving up his power had meant he didn't have nearly the stamina he used to for one. Another factor was that he couldn't tell when things were wrong, such as when his sister might be in danger. He felt like he might as well have given up any one of his basic senses, he had relied upon his magic for a lot of things.

He would gladly give it up all over again. He smiled wistfully as he thought of what he had gained with his sacrifice. His best friend had been dying, fading out before his eyes in a way no human being could. Touya had known from the start that Yukito hadn't been merely human, but it still had come as a horrible shock when he could suddenly sometimes see right through the other boy. He would have given anything to never see that sight again, and giving up his magic was a small price to pay to save Yukito's life.

When he had given his power though, he had seen a vision that haunted him in other ways. He had seen the part of Yukito that purely was not human. He had met Yue, seeing him up close for the first time. Touya had realized long ago that he was falling in love with his best friend and had kept his silence. When he had stood in Yue's presence though, he had burned anew at the sight. He still saw Yukito when he looked in Yue's eyes, but he felt like he saw the whole picture in focus for the first time, and two years of suppressed emotions had nearly threatened to overcome his carefully built defenses.

On the other hand, it had redoubled his resolve to hide his feelings away. He was lucky enough to be  _this_  close to Yukito. He would never expect his feelings to be returned, he had never done anything saintly enough to deserve having his feelings reciprocated by the other boy. How much more did he not deserve Yue, who was in all ways the very form of perfection? It was a cold and distant perfection, one that could never be touched by man, and if he could just make Yue smile once it would be more than enough. He was in love of his best friend, but he was in awe of his best friend's true form.

He wondered if that was the right way to feel. When you place someone above you like that, you can never be close. He had seen loneliness in those eyes, more bitter than he had ever faced. It made him ache to see the distance in the otherworldly being, and all he knew to do to try to help had been to treat him as he would treat Yukito.

It hadn't been enough. He had tried smiling, tried inviting Yue in and treating him as an equal, but the loneliness remained. Sometimes it broke his heart to think about it. He had managed to startle Yue, but not help him to let go of whatever was holding him back and holding him apart from the world.

Touya found that the direction of his thoughts had pulled his feet down the streets that led to Yukito's house. It was probably too late to visit, but he still walked past with a smile and a lightened heart. There were so many things to love about Yukito, from his generous heart to his genuine smiles. Yukito was sometimes everything Touya wished he could be, but not in any competitive sense. Before they had met, Touya had felt as if his heart was a frozen lump that did little more than sustain his life. He could feel nothing, he could trust no one, and the loneliness had hurt like frostbite upon his soul. Yukito had known just what to do and just what to say to make that frozen heart beat again.

As he walked past the house, he noticed that the ladder had been left up. Would Yukito be up there to watch the full moon? It was something they had talked about before, and Touya's heart skipped a beat as he contemplated the possibility. He had nothing better to do that night, and he could certainly use some company to halt the melancholy meanderings of his mind. He decided to ascend quietly in case his friend was asleep, either on the roof by accident, or inside and he had just not replaced the ladder yet.

He wasn't quiet prepared for the vision that met him. The ladder's presence had indicated to him that Yukito had been the one on the roof. Yue didn't need a ladder, he could fly either with his great white wings, or simply by using magic to levitate.

"You're late," Yue said in his velvety soft voice.

"I wasn't aware I was expected," Touya replied. Was this an attempt at humor by the moon guardian? It couldn't be, so Touya remained his normal stoic self on the outside, but within himself he was struggling to maintain balance.

A gentle hint of sadness touched the cool planes of the luminously pale face. That face was so much like Yukito's that Touya could read even the most subtle of expressions that graced it, otherwise he would not have known there was a change at all. "Sit with me," he invited, gesturing with one graceful hand to the spot next to him.

Touya hesitated only a moment before accepting. He couldn't believe that this was happening, but he wasn't fool enough to refuse. Yue turned his gaze again to the sky and the moon, and Touya tried to do the same, but he found that his attention kept drifting to the one who sat beside him.

It again hit him how Yue's physical presence drew him like a magnet, or like a moth to a flame. Everything about this creation screamed perfection to Touya's mind, from the flowing strands of pure white hair that grew well past his toes, to the amethyst eyes that were slitted like a cat's. The soft violet and yellow accents to his white robes set off how luminous he really was, as if he were an avatar of the moon. Touya noticed for the first time that the oval gems on the cuffs of the outfit were red, something that seemed unexpectedly out of place for the vibrancy of the color, but it created a balance somehow.

Touya smiled, no longer making any pretense of looking at the sky. He had seen that all before, and he could see it again any time he wished. He never knew when Yue would appear, especially this serene and approachable. He simply let his eyes drink in Yue's form, memorizing every detail while he had the chance.

When Touya's eyes returned to Yue's face, he found his gaze met. "Why do you look at me like that, Touya?"

A response caught in his throat as he realized he had been found. His voice refused to cooperate, so he sat there with his lips partially open while he froze under the watchful eye of his companion. He raised a hand, trying to gesture his apology, but his fingers were trembling and he realized he couldn't do a thing.

"I've never been looked at like that by anyone but you. Clow Reed looked upon me with a soft kindness, but never as anything but a child or creation. Your sister looks at me with fear in her eyes even still, though that is slowly being replaced by an awed acceptance. You are the only one that looks at me with the same eyes you look at Yukito. Why?"

"I don't know how to answer that," he said, tilting his head to the side.

Yue frowned and looked away, but that gesture didn't sit well with Touya. He felt like he was on the verge of something important, and if he let Yue withdraw he would never have a chance like this again. With more courage than he thought he possessed, he moved his hand over to gently touch Yue's cheek. The skin was soft and smooth, feeling more like silk than flesh. The contact sent a jolt through Touya, and Yue's eyes flew back to meet his again. It was such a familiar gesture, one that Touya wouldn't hesitate to make toward Yukito after all this time, but Yue was not really Yukito, and so both were surprised that Touya had reached out the way he did.

Time stood still between them, locking them together in wonderment. An expression both hopeful and afraid crossed Yue's face, then Yue was moving closer. Before Touya could register what was going on, Yue's lips were on his own in a feathery kiss. Touya couldn't breathe, and he wouldn't have been a bit surprised to find that his heart had entirely stopped in that instant. The widening of his eyes was the only response he could make. Yue's eyes remained on his, but as it became clear that the larger boy would not return the kiss violet eyes became amber and Touya felt as if the entire world shifted while he was in contact with the changing being before him. He became aware that Yue's wings had surrounded them both at the onset of the transformation, so as the wings parted his lips were still upon Yukito's. Touya still couldn't move, more lost in shock than ever.

The amber eyes of Yukito grew round in surprise, but he wasn't the kind to sit still in a strange situation like this. He pulled back, and raised a hand to his lips. "Touya? What's going on?"

Touya still couldn't move.

He could see all the pieces fall together in Yukito's mind because his face reflected every thought he had. Touya's heart began beating again, but each pulse was painful. He couldn't stand looking at the shock and horror on Yukito's face. He wanted to die when he saw the raw hurt in those beautiful eyes. He didn't want to hear what Yukito said next.

"Were you kissing Yue?"

Touya felt sick as he heard the breathless whisper come from his best friend. He stood carefully and made his way to the ladder without a word. There was nothing to say, the truth was obvious.

"Were you?"

Touya was midway down the ladder, and he didn't need to look up to know that Yukito was standing over him, looking down on him.

"Yes."

He walked home in a numb daze, wondering what to do about this. It was too much information to process at once. He had no idea what to think of what had happened. The expression on Yukito's face followed him though, and all he could think was that this was what he deserved for wanting what he could not have. Yukito would never give him a chance, and that kiss may have destroyed their friendship as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Touya didn't sleep that night. He was in no condition to go to work, not in this frame of mind and not feeling this groggy, so he called in and turned around to lie back in bed again. As he stumbled back to his room with eyes only half open he wondered if Yukito had slept any better. Probably not, but what could he do about it?

As the sun hit his window the air began to warm and grow heavy. He simply collapsed onto his bed, pressing his face deep into the pillow at first to try to shut out the world. It would be too bright and warm now to sleep, but he needed rest. He rolled over onto his back and draped an arm over his eyes. The slight pressure produced a swirl of multicolored fractal designs to dance in his vision, and that with the lightheadedness of sleep deprivation made him feel like he was flying through some alternate dimension. He smiled, thinking of escape from it all, but his imagination betrayed him. He remembered thinking when he was little that this was what a magic carpet ride might feel like, and magic made him think of Yue, and thinking of Yue brought the world crashing down on him again as he remembered the look of hurt confusion on Yukito's face.

He rolled onto his side restlessly, wishing for a reprieve, but not able to find a way to block the thought from his mind. He heard Sakura stirring in the other room and decided that this would be a perfect time to put his headphones on and crank the stereo. He could lose himself in the music; forget his soul behind the cries of dark lyrics being pushed out by a tenor straining the limits of his voice. He wanted to be lost in someone else's misery so his own could hide backstage.

He sat down on the edge of his bead as the music began, staring off into space as the words slipped over him and the ringing guitar ran through him. He hadn't taken time to just sit and listen like this in almost two years. When Kaho had left, he couldn't be torn away from his stereo and music collection. Since he met Yukito most of the CDs had collected dust and the headphones had been virtually untouched.

That thought hit like a brick between the eyes, and he toppled over sideways on the bed. It was infinitely frustrating that he couldn't even escape through his music anymore. He tried to just concentrate on the music again, but he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and noticed his father poking his head in the door. He must have missed hearing the knock because of the music. With a heavy sigh he pulled off the headphones and turned off the music.

"Touya-kun, are you okay?"

He shrugged, sitting with his back against the wall. "It was a rough night, that's all."

When Fujitaka nodded there was a look in his eyes that was a little too understanding. "Should I tell Tsukishiro-kun that you aren't feeling well?"

"What?"

"He's at the front door, waiting for you. You probably didn't hear the door over your music. I tried to invite him in, but--"

Touya stood immediately. "Give me a minute, I'll be right down."

Fujitaka shook his head as he closed the door, but it was a gesture Touya didn't acknowledge. Instead Touya was looking down at his clothes, realizing that he had never changed because he had never had any intentions of sleeping. He changed quickly, throwing his old clothes sloppily on the bed this once. That was the last thing he could bring himself to do quickly though; as soon as he reached the stairs anxiety gripped his heart and he descended with hesitant trepidation. He heard conversation below as he took each step one at a time. Sakura's enthusiastic voice drifted up like bells on New Year's Day. Yukito laughed in reply, but if he spoke his voice was too soft to reach Touya's ears. He then heard his father's deeper voice say something about breakfast. Touya reached the bottom stair at last, hearing Yukito decline politely.

"I don't know if I'll be here that long," came the soft reply as Touya set his other foot on the bottom step. The urge to run back up the stairs and hide in his room was nearly overwhelming, but he would never fix this if he kept running away. With a great effort of will he put the stairs behind him and entered the living room. Sakura was looking up at Yukito with her huge emerald eyes with an expression of confused hurt at his statement. She looked over at Touya accusingly, but followed her dad into the kitchen.

The two of them were left alone in the room, staring at each other while Sakura was talking cheerfully in the kitchen. Neither one really paid attention to her chattering on though, trapped in each other's gaze. They were silent for a long time as they tried to come up with something to say.

"Yuki--"

"We need to talk."

Touya just nodded, wondering if Yukito had even heard his own attempt to start the conversation. "I--I don't want to talk about it here where they can hear. I don't want to upset Sakura."

Those seemed to be the right words, for Yukito's face softened and he nodded. Without even thinking they went upstairs to Touya's room. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

  
  


Yukito's heart fluttered nervously as he followed his best friend up the stairs. It would have been perfectly natural before last night, but now his feet felt like they were made of lead. It didn't feel the same to be taking these steps after what happened last night.

He couldn't believe how fast he found himself already there, standing in the doorway of Touya's room. This is where he hesitated, suddenly unsure of the closed space and the sheer intimacy implied in walking into his friend's bedroom. With a deep breath he took that extra step and closed the door behind him. Neither smiled as they turned to each other, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Yukito looked away first, his eyes falling on the rumpled mess of Touya's bed. It was still made, but more wrinkled than usual, and clothes were tossed in a haphazard way across the sheets. "Didn't you get any sleep last night?"

Touya flushed, grabbing the dirty clothes and tossing them in the hamper. "No."

Yukito thought back to how he had fallen asleep on the roof despite the circles his mind ran in. He had woken up shortly after sunrise at the feel of the roof warming under him and the bright light piercing through his eyelids. The last thing he had expected was to be able to fall asleep in the first place, but a few hours of silent tears had drained him of all energy. Only the need of a resolution had enabled him to come over instead of withdrawing to his room where no one would disturb him.

"Why did you do it, Touya?"

Touya ran a hand over his face, clearly stalling while he thought about it. He finally looked Yukito in the eye and shrugged. "I didn't."

Yukito blinked in surprise. "What? But you said...last night...you...he...."

"He kissed me."

Silence ruled the room for a while again. Finally Yukito plopped down on Touya's still unmade bed, shoulders slumped as if he were deflating. "Oh."

"Yeah," Touya agreed as he sat next to his friend. The tension in the air wasn't released at all though and neither could bring themselves to look at the other still.

"Then, when I asked you, why did you say you were kissing him?"

Touya shrugged. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking very clearly. It was so unexpected."

When Yukito shifted to look his friend in the eye, the truth was written there plainly. He knew his friend was being honest, but he somehow also knew that there was more to it than that. "Touya, did you like it?"

The larger boy inhaled sharply, pulling back instinctively. He tried to speak, tried to deny it, but he couldn't force the sound out. He stood and moved as if to start pacing, but Yukito stood in his way, looking every bit the concerned best friend. Nothing more, nothing less, despite the inner turmoil this development had started in him.

Touya finally gave in, looking away as he nodded. "Yeah, I did."

Yukito nodded, swallowing around a lump that had formed in his chest as he called forth the smile that came so easily to him. "You like him, don't you?"

Shock washed across the other's face, followed by stunned and surprised. Touya was staring speechless at his best friend for a long time. "I, Yuki, what--?"

He leaned in closer, noticing the dark blush that barely touched Touya's face. Not many would have noticed, but Yukito had made it a point to study his friend closely. Everything about him was subtle, but the hints were always there for those who looked. "Okay, then I'll help you."

**"What?"**

Yukito's smile grew painfully wide, but it was all he could do to keep in the scream. "Isn't that what best friends are for?" He left the smile on his face a while longer while Touya only stared. Yukito mustered a laugh as he pushed his glasses further up on his nose, then pushed his friend back on the bed. "Maybe it will make sense after you get some sleep. Call me later and we'll talk then. Okay?"

He left without getting an answer. Touya hadn't gotten the shocked expression off of his face, and speaking was clearly beyond his abilities right now. Yukito said a cheerful farewell to Touya's dad and sister, smiling until the door shut behind him. He kept his expression carefully neutral, ready to smile if anyone came from the Kinomoto household about something he forgot, or something they forgot to tell him. After he rounded the corner though he began to feel his control slipping. His eyes burned with unshed tears. His breathing became quicker and shallow. He wanted to run home as fast as he could, but he still held himself in check. He tried not to think, tried not to feel, but waves of images and snatches of remembered conversation crashed around him, threatening to break his control.

He made it home safely, made it to his room and his only haven. He sat down heavily, pulling his knees to his chest and trying still not to cry. One thought kept going through his head, a consolation and a curse.  _Maybe if he loves my true self I can find some happiness through them. It's almost like he loves me, in a way he does. Right?_

He found his misery lulling him to sleep yet again.


	3. Chapter 3

A week passed and Touya didn't see Yukito or Yue the entire time. He was walking home from work, listening to the rain tap lightly on the taut fabric of his umbrella. It was the tail end of a summer storm, and the rain was warmer than usual. Despite the umbrella he was still getting soaked as the winds shifted, blowing the rain at different angles from wherever he had been holding the umbrella.

The gray sky was a reflection of his mood--turbulent, dark, and cheerless. He didn't pretend to think it had anything to do with him though because the rest of the week had been bright and sunny. Even now the clouds were breaking apart and the rain was slacking, though the wind continued on as strong as before. He scowled at the timing as he realized the rain would be stopping at about the time he would get home.

It was with a resigned sigh that he turned the corner and looked up at the house. He was already considering shaking off the umbrella and collapsing it, braving the scattered drops that fell sporadically from the sky. Light began beaming down upon him through a break in the clouds, warming him instantly. The light spread, finally hitting the front porch of his house in a brilliant display, illuminating the figure that waited there.

Touya glanced up at the sky with a shocked expression. "You've got to be joking!" The sunbeam was resting directly on Yukito now, like some giant natural spotlight. "Whoever you think you are," he said, still looking up at the sky, "you've got a disturbing sense of humor." He then shook his head and hurried up to the door. The sunbeam had passed on, but the timing had rattled him. That only happened in sappy movies or silly shojou manga, not real life. He hurried over anyway, closing the umbrella as he rushed to his best friend's side.

"Yuki!"

The sunny smile that met Touya after he called out was so bright he wondered if the sun had peeked out between the clouds again. "I was waiting for you, Touya."

The first thing that came to mind was, we need to talk. He couldn't bring himself to say that yet again though after the disaster that had followed those words last time. He decided on a nice, safe remark on the weather, but as he opened his mouth the door opened behind him.

"Onii-chan! Yukito-san! Oh, are you going to be visiting for supper?"

Yukito glanced at Touya first, and then shrugged. "That's not why I came over."

Sakura looked torn as she stood there on the porch, looking back and forth between Yukito and the street. "I was just going to visit Tomoyo-chan, but I haven't seen you in so long, and...." She trailed off, clearly torn.

"If I'm not here when you get back, I promise I'll stop by some other time in the near future, okay?" Yukito kneeled before her, preferring to talk to her on her level when he could. It was a mannerism that Touya had always appreciated in his friend, though it wasn't something Touya would do himself.

"Hai!" Sakura replied cheerfully. She wrapped her arms around Yukito in a quick hug, and then dashed down to the sidewalk. "I'm late, so I'll see you both later, bye!"

They both saw the slight blush that Sakura had, but neither commented. Touya thought that it was considerably less than it would have been just a few months ago, but Yukito had told him about her confession of love and how they had come to a closer understanding since then. Touya had entertained the thought of staging his own confession since that day, but he was certain he would be met with the same gentle let down. It wasn't worth laying his heart on the line for an outcome he already knew would be disappointing. In his own way, he had let go of his own hopes at the same time as his sister. Her disappointment and subsequent happy acceptance had shown him that he could live with what he already had. There were worse things than being in love with your best friend and knowing it could never be returned.

He broke from his thoughts as they walked in. "Dad won't be home until late tonight, so you might as well stay for dinner. I'd rather make something for the two of us than just me." It was a flimsy excuse to try to keep Yukito there as long as he could, but thinking that what they might talk about could drive his best friend away unsettled him.

Yukito just smiled again. "We'll see."

Touya frowned, but there was no help for it. "I'll just shower and change and I'll be right back down, okay?"

Yukito just nodded, his smile never wavering. Touya hesitated at the bottom of the stairs, and then ran up them suddenly, taking them two at a time. He vowed to himself that this would be his fastest shower ever.

~~~~~@~~~~~

The smile vanished as soon as Touya was out of sight upstairs. A soft sigh escaped Yukito's lips as he walked down the hall to the living room. He still had no idea what he was doing, but he couldn't go on like this anymore. He had to do something, he had to say something, he had to figure out where to go from here.

He was tempted to just leave. He didn't know what to say, and he was afraid of what he would say once the words started. Instead he just walked into the living room and sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

 _If I could, I would force Yue to talk to Touya, but I don't know how._  That was the huge hitch in his plans. He couldn't force Yue to do anything; his other half was the one in control. His other self was a complete enigma still. He was aware of Yue's existence, but that was about as far as it went. There were gaps in his memory and strange explanations from his friends, there were pictures captured by Sakura's best friend, but that was all. Yue was a stranger that swept in and took over and left Yukito with false memories and empty dreams as far as he could tell.

He shook his head, driving those thoughts away yet again. It simply didn't do any good to think about the same things over and over again. It had been months since he found out the truth. He had spent too much of that time dwelling on what it all meant and it didn't do him any good. He couldn't change what he was.

It only seemed like moments before he heard the thudding steps of Touya bounding down the stairs. It was hardly enough time to organize his scattered thoughts, but that was another thing he simply had no control over. It was time, no matter how much he wished he could put it off forever.

"Touya, we need to figure out--"

"Yuki, I--"

"--how to get you--"

"--need to tell you--"

"--to talk to--"

"--that I like--"

"What?"

"What?"

They had both spoken at once, trying to say what they had to before they could stop and think about what they were saying, and then at the same time stopped, trying to let the other speak. Neither had the courage to try again right away once they stopped, so they stood there staring, waiting, and wondering what they had each missed when trying to talk.

"This isn't nearly as easy as I had hoped," Yukito finally said softly. He covered his face with his hands once again, trying to think. Before he could stop himself he began saying the first thing that came to mind, hating the words as they came out but unable to stop them. "The reason I said we should wait and see about eating together is because I had hoped I wouldn't be here. I hoped Yue would appear and save me from this awkwardness. I don't know what to do Touya, I just want to help you and I don't know how."

When Yukito looked up, Touya was frozen across the room, standing like a statue in the same position he had been. When he finally began to move, it was as if he was melting slowly. His posture went from stiff to slumped, his face went from shocked to gentle, and his eyes went from piercing and sharp to open and caring. A sad smile began to form there, wry but kind. "Why are you doing this, Yuki?"

Yukito found himself unable to answer. Words danced through his mind, but wouldn't reach his mouth.  _Why? Because I love you, of course. Your happiness means more to me than my own. I'd do anything for you. Don't you know that by now? Even if it means letting you go, I'd do anything to make you happy._

The silence between them grew as Yukito tried to say those words and tried harder to contain them. He could never say them, he could never speak those words, he would never dream of saying anything like that to Touya. He couldn't say anything else in their place though. He couldn't bring himself to lie.

Finally, he could almost find words to compromise with.  _What else are friends for?_  He was almost able to say it when his eyes grew too heavy to keep open and the rug of reality was yanked swiftly from beneath his feet. Yukito had succeeded in forcing Yue's hand.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yue opened his eyes to see Touya's face flash with irritation. He fought with a sigh, reminding himself that it was the situation, not his appearance that had prompted Touya's response.

Unconsciously, Yue hovered just high enough off the ground that he appeared taller than the dark boy before him, grasping for a way to banish the feeling of near powerlessness he felt. Something about Touya set him off balance, starting with the overwhelming love his other form felt. There were the similarities he shared with the one Yue's heart belonged to...and there were the differences as well. "I suppose it can't be helped," he murmured softly to himself.

"Yue, what's going on?" Touya's voice held a hint of desperation mingled with utter confusion. Yue imagined the situation must be equally confusing and frustrating for all of them, and the expression on Touya's face only reinforced the theory.

"You know that I'm aware of everything that happens to my other half."

Touya nodded in agreement. "I suspected that--it doesn't make sense otherwise."

Yue had assumed that Sakura would have mentioned it, but in hindsight he realized that Touya had treated him the same even before Sakura had been forthcoming with the secret of the cards. "Sometimes it's very confusing," Yue admitted carefully, measuring the weight of each word and wondering if he should even be saying it. Would Touya understand?

He nodded from across the room, then walked a few steps closer. "What can I do? How can I help?"

Their eyes met for one brittle second, but Yue couldn't meet that gaze longer than that. "I heard when you said you enjoyed kissing me."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Touya. Yue decided to go on before he could confuse the issue further.

"I also noticed your reaction to Yukito's idea. He didn't, but I did."

The wary look on Touya's face was easy to understand. Yue simply waited, watching the subtle changes his expression undertook as thoughts chased themselves around in his mind. Still, the underlying tone was hesitant wariness with a clear fear of being misunderstood again. He finally emerged from the inner turmoil enough to ask, "What do you think then?"

Yue found his feet settling on the floor with the weight of his thoughts. He didn't want pretenses or shows of power right now, no matter how automatic such things were for him. Almost as an afterthought he made his wings vanish at the moment his feet touched the floor, but all of this was incidental to what was going on in the forefront of his mind.

"You gave your magic so Yukito would live." Yue was looking down as he spoke, but he caught the sight of Touya nod slowly out of the corner of his eye. He left his gaze directed away from Touya though as he continued, finding it easier to speak as long as he didn't have to look into the other boy's eyes. "He is convinced that you like me, but you look at both of us the same way. Even without magic you treat Yukito like he is the most important person in your world. That is what I think. I don't know anything about love, my heart belonged only to Clow, but if I had to guess I think you feel that way about Yukito. If it's not that kind of love, I'm sorry for misunderstanding, and please forget everything I just said."

His eyes were still glued to one spot of the floor. He couldn't believe he had said all of that; it had been a very long time since he had spoken that much at one time. It made him nervous to share such personal observations with someone like Touya, but in a way he felt like he owed it to him and to Yukito for what he had done. Yue remembered with some sense of irony how he had complained to Keroberus about the hardship of living within a false form whose heart was so different from his own. He had realized since then, by watching the world through Yukito's eyes, that without the memory of Clow he would just as easily have fallen for Touya. It was the same heart, but with different memories.

He heard the soft sounds of movement, the rustle of fabric and the pad of feet against the soft living room rug. Touya was coming closer, but it still caught Yue by surprise when he felt firm but gentle fingers guiding his chin upward. His eyes automatically sought out the dark eyes of the boy he could so easily love.

Could? The increased rate of his heart and the shallow nature of his breath gave him the hint that he had moved beyond the mere realm of possibility. He had seen the full spectrum of emotion behind those eyes that now bore into him with such intensity. He had tried to hide, he had tried to disassociate himself from his other self, but at this proximity there was no denying that the emotions were the same. Yue was every bit as much in love with Touya as Yukito was.


	4. Chapter 4

Touya found himself trapped by the gaze before him, drowning in the violet color and the delicate shape of those eyes. The way the pupils were shaped like a cat's gave the illusion that Yue was focused on somewhere just beyond, like he was somehow looking through Touya, or into him instead of just seeing the surface. Moments before he had crossed the room and forced the angelic being to look at him so he could say what needed to be said, but looking into those magical eyes had derailed him.

They were drawing slowly closer together despite the words Touya had intended on saying. Long before it actually happened it was clear that they were going to kiss again, and neither of them really wanted to stop it. It was as inevitable as the tide, and Touya would not fight the pull of it if he could. Heartbeats before their lips met there was a moment when he could feel Yue's breath against his skin and he asked himself if this is what he really wanted. The answer hadn't really formed in his mind before his body answered for him.

Their lips met and Touya felt like his soul had been lit on fire. This time he was just as stunned by finding himself in this situation, but he kissed back with a passion that was almost scary. He parted his lips to deepen the kiss and found Yue responding with equal fervor. It was a heady, heavenly experience that transcended mere words, and as he allowed his eyes to finally slip closed he could no longer tell which dream of his was coming true. It felt exactly the same to him as if he held Yukito. In simple terms, it just felt right.

The world ceased to exist for both of them and time seemed to stand still. It was beyond any magic either had known and more wonderful than either had dared to hope. They were completely consumed by what was happening with each other, so did not hear the front door open, or the soft call of "Tadaima" from the entry. What they did hear was a gasp and the distinct sound of books and papers falling from numb fingers as Touya's dad stumbled upon the scene.

~~~~~@~~~~~

"They don't think I've noticed, but I have. They've been acting different around each other the last week and I'm worried." Sakura frowned as Tomoyo ran the measuring tape down her side, and then quietly marked the numbers on a paper. "They aren't hanging out with each other as much, and when Yukito-san came over they were both quiet and tense like they didn't want to say a word while I was there."

"Do you think they had a fight, Sakura-chan?"

"I don't know, but I do know they still haven't admitted their feelings for each other yet. They need to do that!"

Tomoyo smiled patiently and put the tape measure away. "What if your big brother doesn't realize he loves Tsukishiro-san?"

"But, if they love each other they should be able to tell each other!" Sakura was painfully enthusiastic about her point, showing that enthusiasm without reservation.

"You should know it's not that easy." Tomoyo shook her head. "Meilin-chan called me the other day," she added softly.

Sakura was slightly bewildered about the sudden subject change, but took the conversation at face value. "Wow! How are they doing?"

Tomoyo busied herself with deciding on fabric, not looking at Sakura as she replied. "They're both fine, but Meilin-chan thinks Li-kun is going to pine away over you. Do you know what you're going to say next time you see him?"

Sakura was silent for a while, staring off into space. Her chest tightened at the thought, and she was swept away by memories. The teddy bear he had made sat where she could look at it every day, but she still wasn't any closer to a decision about him. When she closed her eyes she could still clearly see the look in his eyes when he had admitted he loved her, and though she could feel herself blush as she remembered she didn't know what to do or say. She had been confused about love once before. She didn't want to make a mistake like that again.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she only partially noticed the sound of a telephone ringing, or Tomoyo speak softly into the phone. It didn't really click until Tomoyo hung up the phone and started walking across the large room with a funny look on her face. "Who was on the phone, Tomoyo-chan?"

"It was your big brother. He thinks you should come home, he said it's time to explain a few things to your dad."

"What?"

"All he said was that there were some things about Yue that needed explanation, and he didn't think he was the person to explain it all, since he never actually got the explanation either."

"Yue? What would he be doing there?"

"I don't know, but we should probably get to your house and get everything sorted out."

Sakura nodded and started walking to the door, but Tomoyo hesitated. "What's wrong, Tomoyo-chan?"

"Do you think I should bring some videotapes to show your dad? Visual aids may come in handy, and I could show your bravery to someone new!"

Sakura almost fell over as all the blood rushed to her cheeks in a blush that glowed brighter than a lit Christmas tree.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yue couldn't remember wanting to hide behind Yukito's form more than at this moment, but one look at Touya had convinced him that it was not an acceptable solution. The damage had been done; he had allowed himself to be distracted at the critical moment. No matter how he thought about it, this situation was entirely his fault, and it was the Mistress, Sakura, who would need to come after him and mend things.

"Why didn't she say something," Fujitaka was wondering as his gaze returned to Yue for the thousandth time that afternoon. Yue was feeling uncomfortably burdened by the constant attention, but refused to show anything but his usually impassive expression. He would wait for Sakura, and then do whatever she directed. He couldn't do anything other than that in this situation.

"Don't worry too much about it, she never actually told me anything either. She tried to keep everything to herself as much as she could," Touya assured his father.

The somber atmosphere was shattered by a cheery cry from Sakura as she bounded in the house. She rushed into the living room, coming to an abrupt halt as she saw the faces that met her. As her eyes fell upon Yue she let out a startled squeak, even though he knew she should have been expecting him to be there. He stifled a frustrated sigh and continued waiting for a resolution.

Tomoyo followed soon after with a bag full of tapes, fabric, and her usual camera. Both girls were smiling a bit wider than the occasion called for, making Yue wonder if it was brought on by nervousness, or some other reason. Was Sakura relieved that she wouldn't have to keep her secret anymore? It had been a new concept for Yue actually, for in Clow's time he hadn't had a false form. Yukito had been created solely for Sakura's benefit, to keep her from knowing the identity of the one would judge her worth as Mistress of the Cards.

Somewhere along the line Yue had gained an appreciation for being able to hide though. It had become so simple to drift as if dreaming while someone else smiled and faced a world he no longer wanted to. The world was a much different place now, and it did not contain his creator any longer. What was the point?

Yue lost himself in thought as Sakura began her lengthy explanation of finding the cards and how her life had chanced since that moment. There was a look of wonder on her father's face as she told him about the events that unfolded, some nearly tragic, others ultimately humorous. Yue remembered watching behind Yukito's eyes as all these things came to pass. There had been a mixture of hope that she would succeed and that she would fail. He had no need for another master. He had no need to be recalled to this world where all that would greet him was pain and loneliness. He had no need for existence at all as far as he was concerned, he would have been happier to be locked away, unaware, in the book for eternity.

But his false form surprised him. Yukito fell in love. He didn't know the first thing about love, couldn't recognize it in others, and didn't really understand it in himself for a very long time. Yue had grown frustrated and irritable as he watched within, not wanting to interact with the world, but unable to watch things unfold like this. Even when Yukito finally realized his own heart, even when Sakura herself tried to assure him that his feelings would be returned, Yue was still looking from the inside as if he were an outsider. He wanted this to end. So he had finally taken matters into his own hands in the only way he could think of.

Yue was brought out of his reverie as Tomoyo pulled out videotapes, showing events both distant and recent. Fujitaka was awed now, praising his daughter, but still concerned that she hadn't come to him.

"I thought you'd never believe me," Sakura finally said. "I couldn't just come up to you and say, 'I have magic, see?' Especially as more and more time went by. It was just too much, and I didn't know what to say, but I'm so happy that you know now!"

"Sweetheart, you can come to me any time, with anything. I know I'm busy a lot, but I always want to be here for you."

To Yue it was heart-wrenchingly domestic. In many ways, Touya and Sakura's father reminded him of the fatherly side of Clow. There was a patient understanding there and a constant kind smile that struck too close to home in Yue's eyes. While he hid behind Yukito he could freely feel the comfort of that faint familiarity, but while he had his true face bared to the world he was reminded of the pain as well.

Yue stared out the window as they all talked more, wondering why he really had stayed in his true form for all of this. All he had done was stand there, listening and thinking, almost as if his only roll was as a visual aid like Tomoyo's videotapes. With some discomfort he thought he should have left as soon as the girls had arrived, as he was no longer necessary. Yet, that would mean less time nest to Touya.

He looked at the taller young man who was now seated on the couch and wondered if it was a bad thing to leave his side. The more he had, the more he wanted. He knew it couldn't last though. He couldn't deny Yukito his feelings; his false form had more right to Touya by virtue of time and friendship. It was all too clear that Touya's feelings for Yukito went beyond simple friendship as well, no matter how Yue had muddied the waters. He should bow out now, accepting Touya's presence vicariously as he watched through the eyes of his false form. He was quite aware of the similar train of thoughts Yukito had entertained the week before, but at least in Yue's case he could see and know for himself instead of wondering--

"That clears up so much! Thank you for finally telling me about it all, Sakura-chan." Fujitaka's voice was joyous, relieved. "I do have one other question though."

Yue's eyes fell on the older man's with curiosity, and he found the gaze being returned. A faint pink now stained Fujitaka's cheeks as he looked between Yue and Touya, and finally looked away.

"Touya-kun, I don't want to presume, but I was very surprised to find you, uh, kissing Yue not just because of, well, his clearly magical origins."

Sakura and Tomoyo exchanged looks, each softly questioning, "Kissing?" Yue struggled to maintain his composure, but it wasn't easy.

"I was shocked," the archeology professor continued, now maintaining eye contact with his son with obvious difficulty, "because I had assumed that you and Tsukishiro-san--"

Sakura giggled, stopping her father's clumsy line of questioning.

Yue felt as if the world had dropped out from underneath him and he almost called on his wings to save him from the nearly physical sensation. He saw this as his chance to escape though. He looked to Sakura for direction. "Should I change?"

She nodded enthusiastically. It was with great relief that Yue regained his wings and wrapped them around himself. He would leave the rest of this up to Yukito, and hope that the next time he was called upon Touya would have already explained his feelings. His eyes slipped closed and he pulled his "mask" out of the ether, waiting and watching again.


	5. Chapter 5

Fujitaka was trying his hardest to maintain a grasp on reality through all of this, but his mental fingers were grasping for purchase against too slippery a surface. It was so easy to smile, encourage Sakura as if this was any other normal situation, and try not to think about the fact that he had walked in on his son kissing an  _angel_. Reality was now slippery indeed.

He had nearly fainted when he had come home to grab some forgotten papers for a presentation he had. All thought of work had flown from his mind though at that moment. Even picking up the scattered papers and books from the floor hadn't been enough to remind him of his impending duties. There were too many shocks to deal with. Yet, when his wife had died so many years ago, he had schooled himself to meet adversity and shock with a calm smile and even temper. He was shocked, but he would not let this throw him too far off balance.

He completely forgot about the impending presentation as he struggled for mental ground though.

Finally, finally, the angelic being who had introduced himself simply as "Yue" (and hadn't said much else besides) was asking his daughter's permission to "change". Fujitaka smiled once again, but the bewilderment was increasing. He could not prepare for what came next, though he realized he should have taken the hints from what had been said before.

Yue wrapped himself in a cocoon of wings and there was a bright glow. When the wings opened again Yukito was looking around, appearing slightly lost at first. While he was still in a state of confusion he looked around the room and grew more puzzled from his expression. Fujitaka sympathized with the boy, but--

"Oh...what's going on? How long was he--oh." Yukito's eyes had alighted on a clock. "I see, not as much time as I thought. So, why is everyone here? I thought Kinomoto-san had somewhere to be."

Day to day functioning became important to him once again with this reminder. "Ah! I'm late! I'm sorry that I have to leave like this. I'll be back later tonight!" He grabbed all the papers and books he needed, making sure to dash to his study and retrieve what he had forgotten before, and then he dashed out the door.

He slid behind the wheel of the car and let himself start to think about all that had been revealed. Well, it did make sense with everything that had been happening lately. In some strange way it was perfectly logical that his daughter was some sort of sorceress.

His mind slipped gears again when he thought those words. Just because it made some sort of sense, just because it made all the puzzle pieces fit together, didn't mean it was easy to accept.

_ This morning I didn't even believe in magic except as an abstract concept. Well, I can't deny the proof shown to me. Belief or no, I will accept the truth. For Sakura's sake. _

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yukito was still confused half an hour later when he and Touya were finally left alone again. "I still don't understand, why didn't Yue withdraw as soon as the front door opened?"

They were standing side-by-side in the kitchen and Touya was chopping vegetables with vigor. He didn't look up as he replied. "Neither of us heard it. We were a little preoccupied."

There was a hint of a telltale flush on Touya's cheeks and his eyes...his eyes simply gave everything away to Yukito. He was looking for the subtle hints as if through a microscope, and he found exactly what he had expected. He swallowed hard, feeling his heart break a little more, but he gave his best smile and teased good-naturedly. "Preoccupied? Were you kissing again, or did things get--"

The knife Touya was using gave a huge thud against the cutting board, and then quivered a little, still in place, when Touya let go. Yukito's words died instantly as he stared at how deeply imbedded the blade was in the wood. Touya was gripping the edge of the counter, breathing deeply for a moment, and then he calmly started working the knife free of the wood.

Finally Touya spoke again, softly. "Yuki, I wish you wouldn't do this."

Yukito bowed his head, refusing to look up at his friend. "I don't understand. I just wanted to be happy for you, to be a good friend. Why are you upset?"

He knew, as soon as he said the words that his tone had given him away. He felt betrayed by his voice, betrayed by his very nature that made him so emotional. He could usually hide it so easily, but this time that skill eluded him.

"Probably for the same reason you're upset. There's a huge misunderstanding going on."

Hope stabbed his heart as he listened to Touya's words, but he squashed the feeling immediately. "What do you mean?"

This time Touya set the knife down carefully, turning away from the cooking with deliberate motions. Yukito was frozen as arms closed around him, holding and comforting. That's when he realized he had been on the verge of tears this whole time, and he wanted to pull away, now, to keep Touya from seeing those tears, but he didn't want to move either. He wanted to stay right where he was forever.

It was easy for Touya to simply rest his chin on the top of Yukito's head in this position, and it gave the smaller boy a sense of security as well as a touch of privacy for those tears that managed to slip past. "You're going to make me actually say it out loud, aren't you," Mused Touya with a mingling of kindness and frustration. Yukito startled a little at the words, but his best friend was still holding him tightly and wasn't about to let go. "That's fine," Touya went on, this time sounding amused. "I suppose it's overdue. Yuki, I don't know how you missed it all this time, but I love you."

This time Touya's arms slackened slightly, allowing Yukito to look him in the eyes. "But, you kissed Yue. Twice. You liked it, you said so about the first time, and I can't imagine you hating it the second time. I don't...I can't--" His voice caught as conflicting emotions caught in his throat, making his chest constrict tightly.

_ Why did he have to tell me this now? Why not a week ago? What am I supposed to say about this, after all that has happened? _

"Yuki, I love you," he repeated intently.

"What about Yue?" As soon as the words came out he wanted to take them back. They hurt to say, they hurt to think about, and they clearly cut Touya to the core.  _Why did I say that? Why can't I just let this happen? What's wrong with me?_

Touya stared at Yukito as if he couldn't believe what he had heard. His mouth was working, words were mouthed, but there was no sound. "That's not--that's not fair," Touya finally managed to whisper.

Yukito's voice was deep and choked by the overwhelming emotion he tried to contain. "No, it's not fair. None of this is fair. I--"

He broke off, at a loss again. He pulled away from Touya's arms, pulled back until he felt the counter behind him, then he turned and ran from the kitchen. He sat to put his shoes on, and suddenly all will drained from him. He didn't want to move, he didn't want to run away from the only hope he had, but he couldn't force himself to turn back. He brought his hands up to his face, wishing that he could cry, but the tears and the release simply wouldn't come. He went numb as he tried to figure out how to make this all right somehow, to try to turn this into some semblance of a "happily ever after" where he wouldn't suffer for the rest of his life--however long that was. He turned it over in his mind, again and again, trying to make the pieces fit, but he couldn't work it out.

Touya was suddenly there behind him, on his knees, cautiously touching his love's shoulders as if afraid he would break the gray haired boy. When Yukito didn't pull away his touch became more solid, more comforting, more real. Touya finally moved to sit beside him, holding him, and Yukito allowed himself to rest his head on his friend's broad chest. He was suddenly tired; weary in a way he hadn't felt in months. This was the feeling he had felt every time Akizuki-san had pulled Touya away, every time she had looked at him with that triumphant gleam in her eye. It was the feeling that he had lost, and he couldn't win no matter what he tried.

"What do we do now?" Touya's murmured question hung in the air like a soap bubble.

With a bowed head Yukito popped that bubble, answering in the only way he could. "I don't know."

~~~~~@~~~~~

Eriol's eyes clamped shut as he tried to erase the scene, but it only served to intensify the vision. "Don't do this," he said under his breath. "Don't do this to him, don't do this to yourself." His eyebrows pulled closer together with concern and a frown graced his usually placid countenance.

A small voice called to him across the room. "Something troubling you, Clow?"

A more typical, bemused grin fell into place as Eriol opened his eyes and looked at the diminutive form of his sun guardian. Only that one, of all the people he had met, could make the distinction. If it was Eriol's problem, Spinel Sun would call him by his current name, but if it was a problem that concerned his prior incarnation-- "Yes. There doesn't seem to be any help for it either, so I will be gone for a few days."

The kitten-like creation frowned for a moment. "You're going by yourself?"

"It's a simple task, no need to make a large production of it."

The frown deepened, and a shriek was heard from the hallway. His moon guardian's false form rushed in, a look of shock and hurt on her face. "I heard that! Eriol, we're your guardians! You can't go without us."

Eriol traced patterns on the arm of his chair as he thought, the familiar red leather soft beneath his fingertip. "No, I want the two of you here. It will be a simple task, if all goes right."

Ruby Moon, in her false form of Nakuru, pouted prettily for effect. "Oh, you're so cruel, keeping us locked up here while you go and have fun," she lamented dramatically. Her bright demeanor returned quickly though. "So, where are you going?"

That's when he knew he had lost, and they'd all be going together. Oh, he could command them to stay, but then he'd have a sulky butterfly-girl moping around the place. Eriol stood, caving in to the inevitable with grace. " _We_  are going to Tomoeda," he said with a sigh. "Pack lightly, we'll only be there a few days. Oh yes, Ruby Moon, don't harass Touya and Yukito while we're there." He was speaking to her retreating back as she dashed from the room with sudden and complete glee.

A wistful smile replaced his harried look when he was sure she was out of sight.

"You're going to spoil her rotten," Spinel Sun said with gentle reprimand.

"I've always had a weakness for the influence of the moon," he admitted softly. "And I like to make sure my creations are happy."

"Then you don't mind that I'll stay here? No point in me going if there won't be any danger."

"Are you sure it has nothing to do with the fact that we moved Clow's old library when we returned?"

The sedate creation smiled, returning to the book he had been reading. "That might have something to do with it."

Eriol's smile grew gentle as he walked from the room. "I do like to make sure my children are happy," he reiterated to himself. "All of them."


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning the rain was back. The air was thick with the heat and humidity in Touya's room and he was surprised he had been able to sleep at all. The t-shirt and shorts he wore to bed were soaked with sweat, clinging to his body like a second skin. He frowned, pulling the t-shirt off slowly, lost in thought as he sat at the edge of his bed.

When he had finally let Yukito walk home last night, it had been with serious misgivings. Nothing had been resolved, and they had finally just given in to the absolute silence by saying goodnight. It had killed him to watch his best friend walk away like that, but it was beyond him what else he could try at that point. He had confessed his most secret feelings--and had been rejected. Oh, it wasn't an all out "no", but it might as well have been. Maybe a simple no would have been less painful.

"It's all my fault," he growled, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I can't do anything right anymore."

He casually tossed his sweat-soaked t-shirt into the hamper, and then walked over to his dresser to grab a fresh one. He stopped in his tracks though when he caught movement outside his window. There was a flash of white among the branches of the tree, and the leaves were dancing around like someone was trying to climb it. He moved closer, curious, and when he was right at the edge of the window something large--human sized--jumped at him suddenly.

"WHAT THE--"

Yue was clinging to Touya's windowsill, looking sheepish and a little worried. Touya threw the window open quickly, curiosity and confusion rendering him speechless as Yue dangled.

"Help me?" he asked with wide eyes and silly grin.

Touya stared, unable to believe his eyes. Why wasn't Yue just floating in? Why was he dangling from his window in the rain? He was clearly soaked to the bone and all that hair had to be weighing him down, but he just clung there as if he would fall if he let go. The strangest of all was the grin. Yue never looked like this.

"Touya? Please? I can't hang on much longer. It's too slippery out here."

It was the same voice, but he sounded to kind, too happy. He sounded like--

"Yuki?"

He barely managed a nod before he started actually slipping. "I don't want to fall here, so please help me in."

Touya grabbed Yukito quickly, pulling him gracelessly into the room. When they finally managed it, both collapsed in a pile on the floor, Yukito sprawled on top of his friend.

And yet...he looked like Yue. He smiled like Yukito, he spoke like Yukito, but the body was clearly Yue.

Touya just lay back on the floor, staring at the ceiling. "I'm dreaming, right?"

Yukito shook his head, trying to stand but getting tangled in the long hair and the layers of formal robes Yue always wore. "How does he do it?" he mused aloud as he finally stood. He then held a hand out to help Touya stand. "Anyway, it's not a dream, and I have no idea what happened." He was looking more serious again.

Touya stood slowly, waving off assistance. "Okay, tell me what you do know, and we'll try to figure something out from there."

"I don't know. I woke up, saw myself in the mirror, and didn't know what to think. You were the first person I thought of, and I tried to stay out of sight."

Yukito was pacing now, his old mannerisms seeming out of character in Yue's form. He had reached for glasses that weren't there at least three times since he climbed into the room, and Touya was struggling to hold in the smile that threatened to emerge. Amusement still tinted his look when he reached out and grabbed Yukito's rain soaked shoulder. "You could have used the front door."

Yukito shook his head, frowning slightly. That expression fit the face more, Touya thought with a touch of sadness. "I didn't want to worry Sakura-chan," he admitted softly.

Now Touya chuckled. He couldn't help it. "Sakura is the sorceress, and the only one that could do something around here. So what do you do? You come to me, the one who can't do a thing, and the one you turned away just last night."

Yukito looked flustered and upset, shaking his head almost violently. "Touya, I--"

Touya just ruffled his hair fondly, taking great pleasure doing that to this form. "Yuki, relax. I'm not upset; you shouldn't be either."

He looked deflated suddenly, sitting on the edge of Touya's bed with a heavy sigh. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Make me feel better when I really don't want to."

"Do I really?"

"Yeah."

Silence reigned in the room for a time, only interrupted by the rustle of bed sheets and the creak of the bed when Touya sat down next to his conflicted friend. He reached a hand out to touch Yukito's shoulder lightly, offering what comfort and support he could, but Yukito flinched away ever so slightly. Touya dropped his hand with a sigh, understanding that he had not yet been forgiven.

"Have you tried changing?"

"I'm not sure how to do it," Yukito said slowly, frowning. "I've never initiated it, and I'm scared I'd mess it up."

Touya nodded, pondering. An idea hit him suddenly, and he snapped his fingers with a smile. "I have an idea. Wait here, okay?"

He dashed out of the room before Yukito could do more than blink and wonder what his friend meant.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Keroberus, Guardian Beast of the Seal and Appointer of the Card Captor was doing what he did best. Sleeping. Sakura had already gone downstairs for breakfast, so he expected at least half an hour of good snoozing in before she brought him something to eat too. That was his morning routine unless he had a good videogame waiting on him. Today he just slept, enjoying peaceful dreams of pudding and cake and--

"Oi, stuffed toy." The fact that it was a male voice roused Kero from his sleep enough to try to puzzle out who it was. It took him a moment, and he cracked an eyelid just to double-check. Yes, it was Sakura's big brother, looming over the drawer that was his own private bedroom.

"Go away, I'm sleeping." Kero rolled back over, pulling his little blanket over his head.

He didn't go away. Instead, he spoke again. "Wake up, I need your help."

"Waking me up and calling me a stuffed toy is not the way to get my help. I have a name you know. Now, go away before I return to my true form and toast you." Kero spoke into his pillow, hoping that the mean big brother would get the hint, or at least the point of the threat.

No suck luck. "Yue needs your help."

"I'm up, I'm up--what?" Since when did Yue need his help for anything, and why was the big brother telling him this? It had to be serious. "Where is he?"

"He's in my room," Touya began, but as soon as the words were out, Kero was gone. Touya chased after him, but he zipped down the hall too fast to stop.

"Yue! What's the matter? What's wrong?" Kero saw Yue sitting on the edge of Touya's bed, an open expression on his face that he hadn't seen since Clow's time. "Yue?"

"I'm not Yue," he said, sounding younger than he had in centuries. Kero could tell the difference, but he couldn't believe it.

"What'dya mean, you're not Yue? What's going on?"

That's when Touya caught up, glowering in the doorway. "You couldn't wait for an explanation, plushie? Yuki is stuck in Yue's form. I was going to ask if you could teach him to change so we can see if they've been switched, or...or something else."

Kero peered closely at Touya, catching the hesitation. So, they didn't even know if his brother was still there. The Guardian Beast frowned, folding his short arms and contemplating the boy in front of him. He could faintly see traces of magic that was not his own floating around the edges of his aura. He couldn't tell directly who it was, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out. Only two people could have done this, and one of them wouldn't know she could. Not only that, but Sakura wouldn't have done it.

He set the thought aside for further pondering later. He would ask Sakura. He couldn't come to any conclusions without talking to her first, since the only other person who could have done this was supposed to be half way around the world right now.

"Yes, yes, I can teach him. It should come naturally to him anyway. It's a matter of will," he turned to the snow rabbit with the air of a teacher. "You need to picture it happening, and the magic will follow. Just don't fight it." Kero smiled kindly, and waited.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yukito stood, nervous but willing to follow the advice of Sakura's other guardian. He looked over at Touya with a grin, feeling something akin to stage fright. That's when he really noticed what his friend was wearing--or not wearing. His eyes widened slightly, and he turned away to hide a slight smile. "Hold on a minute."

With deliberate steps Yukito walked over to Touya's closet and pulled out a shirt. He tossed it to Touya, and then began to will himself into his usual form. Immediately he felt a sensation like electrified ice water flowing through him, tingling, burning, and freezing all at once. He could feel the wings forming on his back before they closed around him and his eyes slid involuntarily closed. Within his mind he saw, like a glowing brand, a magic circle with intricate inscriptions, but its exact appearance was swept away in an instant as something inside himself was awoken. He now felt strangely displaced as his eyes began to slide open and the wings pulled back. Everything was out of focus at first, but it was more of a blurring of the mind rather than a visual effect. He checked, and noticed the familiar frame of glasses at the edge of his vision, so constant that he usually didn't notice.

The magic faded and everything snapped into focus. "What's going on?" he heard himself demand with a hard edge to his voice. He felt a rising edge of panic, but maintained tight control over his reactions.

Touya was just buttoning his shirt when he looked up with a grin. "That answers that question," he said, looking at Kero. "Welcome back, Yue. You might want to sit down for this."

Yukito watched as Yue moved to the bed and sat, feeling the stunned confusion as he looked down at himself. "This isn't right," he muttered under his breath as he held his hands in front of him and looked at the short fingernails and slightly darker skin. He stared at the mundane clothes with a growing horror as he searched for Yukito's presence in his mind and came up lacking.

_Like a one way mirror,_  Yukito thought to himself. He could feel Yue, but now Yue could not feel him.  _This must be how Yue usually views the world. It's finally my turn to watch him. Now he can feel what it's like to be the false form._

He realized though, that things wouldn't exactly work like that. If this was how Yue usually saw the world, he already knew to some degree what it was to be Yukito.  _So, I'll get to see what it's like to be the true form,_  he realized.

"What happened to Yukito? Is he safe, is he okay?" Panic put even more of an edge to his voice, and Yukito was shocked by the concern Yue was showing. "Why am I here like this? Why can't I feel him?"

Touya nodded calmly, holding him gently by the shoulders and looking him in the eyes. "It seems that you've switched circumstances somehow. I don't know how, but--"

Yue laughed mirthlessly, the sense of irony nearly overwhelming. "I'm now the false form." He pulled away from Touya, shaking his head and pulling off his glasses wearily. "Keroberus, thank you for helping us. You should tell Sakura what is going on."

_Even if I can't hear you, you can hear me Yukito. I don't know why this happened, but it is now your duty to protect the Mistress._

For some reason, hearing Yue say that made him want to shiver.


	7. Chapter 7

Sakura ran up the stairs, holding a plate of food carefully for Kero-chan. She had thought about telling him he could go down for breakfast with her, but he was sleeping so peacefully that she didn't want to bother him. He was always cranky when woken up unless it was with offerings of pudding. Still, now that her father knew, it wasn't necessary to sneak food for her sun guardian.

She was positively beaming when she rushed into her room and set the food down. She was about to knock softly on the drawer Kero used as his own bedroom when she saw that it was already open--and empty. "Kero-chan?"

She looked around the room, but it was completely empty. She frowned, wondering where he could be. She left the food on her desk, walking down the hall slowly while she wondered where her diminutive guardian could have disappeared to. She heard voices in her brother's room as she got closer, and decided to see if Kero could have gone in there--though she couldn't imagine a reason he might.

Sakura was raising her hand to knock on the door when she heard someone say, "Keroberus, thank you for helping us. You should tell Sakura what is going on."

Some instinct told her that it was Yue, but she couldn't imagine why he would be in her brother's room first thing in the morning. Touya hadn't even gotten out of bed yet as far as she knew. The door flew suddenly open, and she clearly saw Yukito, sitting with a weary expression, holding his glasses in his hands and staring at them. Kero had paused in front of the open door, looking startled. Touya was buttoning the last button of his shirt, frowning as he looked at his best friend.

"So tell me, what is going on?"

Kero was just getting over his surprise when Yukito and Touya looked up with shocked expressions of their own. Two voices gasped, "Sakura!" One said, "Mistress!"

Sakura couldn't believe her eyes--or her ears. "No, this isn't right." She frowned in concentration, eyes almost slipping closed as she tried to shake off the confusion. Her eyes were telling her that Yukito sat there, but her heart was telling her another story. "Onii-chan, what's going on? Kero?"

They both began to speak at once, but their words only confirmed the truth she knew as soon as Yue met her eyes.

"I did not do this," she frowned, cutting off the explanations.

Kero nodded. "There's only one who could have, besides you."

"But he's in England!" she protested automatically. Again she felt something that went beyond herself, something she couldn't have understood before the cards had entered her life. As soon as the words were out she knew that Eriol had returned to Tomoeda. So, why? Why would he do this?

"Sakura, can't you just switch them back?" Touya was asking.

She didn't answer. If Eriol truly was the only other person who could do this, and if he had indeed done it, she knew him well enough by now to know he wouldn't have done it without a good reason. Instead, she backed out of the doorway, racing back to her room quickly. A moment later she called into the still open door, "I have things to do. I'll be back later!"

The three heard her call out a hurried goodbye before the door slammed. After that there was only a stunned silence.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yue blinked, shocked by the Mistress' abrupt departure. He noticed Kero looking at her warily, as if he suspected something, but the room remained silent. Eventually Touya began gathering the clothes he would wear, and then headed off to take a shower. Kero and Yue stared at each other for a while in silence.

"So, what are you gonna do now?" Kero hovered closer, looking purely concerned for his fellow guardian.

"I'll wait."

Kero frowned. "That's it? You're just gonna sit here and wait?"

Yue leveled an even gaze upon him, turning Yukito's friendly face into something stern and cold. "What would you suggest I do?"

"Well, if it were me, I'd fly over to that creep's house and--oh."

"Precisely. I can't exactly fly anywhere in this form, Keroberus."

The sun guardian looked properly abashed. "Well, you could still walk over there and--"

"And get lost?" Yue interrupted with wry grin. "I never paid attention to the tedious details of getting from one place to another around here. Besides, I'm sure that Sakura is going there right now to get this straightened out."

"What if he won't?"

Yue just smiled. It was the first genuine smile Kero had seen Yue produce in a century or so. He blinked in confusion before shaking his head and flying off in search of breakfast.

~~~~~@~~~~~

"Yes, I did it," Eriol said calmly. He sat in his favorite chair, staring placidly at Sakura as she stood, stammering.

"But, but, but...why?"

"Are you sure you won't have a seat on the couch? It would be much more comfortable." He gestured for the second time toward the nearby couch, smiling warmly.

She opened and closed her mouth a few times, finally deciding to sit. "Tell me," she demanded stubbornly, once she was seated.

Eriol nodded, steepling his fingers, trying to think of the best way to explain his reasoning to the young mistress of the cards. She was a worthy heir, but she was still only a child and didn't have the experience or knowledge he had obtained over the years. "Have you ever wondered why Clow made the Change card?"

"I never really thought about it," she admitted with a small pout.

Eriol smiled patiently. "I'll wait while you do."

She nodded and began to puzzle it out slowly, speaking as she thought. "Well, it switches personalities. When Syaoran-kun and Kero-chan got switched they were nicer to each other for a little while, but not much. But, Kero-chan said something about understanding why Syaoran-kun was so grouchy all the time because he had to listen to Meiling-chan screeching at him all night. Maybe the card was made so people could see things differently?"

"There is an old saying, 'You never truly understand a person until you walk a mile in their shoes.' After the disaster with the sorceress in Hong Kong, after she disappeared, it bothered him that he couldn't figure out why she hated him enough to try to kill him for so long. It was after that when he created that card."

"To understand why people do the things you wouldn't understand any other way!"

"Exactly." He nodded; proud of her for grasping the concept so readily.

"That's why you switched Yue-san and Yukito-san?"

"Yes. I'm hoping that if they understand each other better, they'll be able to resolve their doubts and insecurities about each other and learn to coexist."

Sakura's face fell, tragedy washing over her features. "I-I- I didn't know something was wrong...."

Eriol smiled reassuringly, leaning forward slightly. "It's okay. No one expected you to notice. They've probably gone to great lengths to keep you from realizing anything actually."

"A little. I guess. I mean, I knew that something was going on with Onii-chan and Yukito-san, but I didn't know--"

"It's okay, Sakura-chan."

She nodded, trying to just accept what he said. In the background a grandfather clock measured the seconds with a soft tick-tock and dust motes chased each other in the light streaming in from the window. Eriol waited for her to accept what he had said, sitting back and watching her expression as the worry and guilt slowly melted away. She finally smiled a bit and looked him in the eye again.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Now Eriol smiled in earnest. This was the point of the conversation he had been waiting for since she had arrived. He waited a moment while Nakuru brought in some tea and snacks, then began to fill Sakura in on the entire plan.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Touya walked back into his room from the shower, casually ruffling his friend's hair as he entered. He immediately froze, remembering himself. "I'm sorry," he said, ducking his head. "I forgot that--"

"It's okay Touya, I don't mind." Yue smiled, somehow presenting the smile in a different way than Yukito would, but it was a kinder smile than Touya expected from the moon guardian.

"You look like the weight of the world was taken from you," Touya said softly, searching Yue's now amber eyes. It was strange to see Yue's expressions on Yukito's face. Maybe that accounted for the difference.

"Do I?" The smile stayed in place, soft and caring and a little hopeful as he met Touya's eyes.

Touya noticed another difference. "Maybe it's because you haven't put the glasses back on. Don't you need them?"

"No," he said, breaking eye contact. "I never needed them really. It was a trick I used on Yukito to make him think he needed the glasses." A flash of guilt crossed his face.

"Why would you do that?"

"As different as this form is from my true for, there are still similarities I wanted to disguise. I wanted to soften the angular features of Yue, the Judgment Maker so that I would be more kind. I wanted to draw attention from the pale skin and the light hair. It worked for Superman...." He trailed off with a shrug, laughing slightly.

"I suppose it worked," Touya said carefully. He was careful not to mention that no one would have recognized him anyway. Yue must have his reasons for being that way.

Yue sighed. "Actually though, the real reason is because Clow wore glasses. He also smiled a lot and was very kind. I--there are many similarities shared between Yukito and our creator."

It was a fascinating insight into how Yue's mind worked. Touya smiled and filed the information away for later contemplation. He had other things on his mind now.

"How do you feel? Are you adjusting to this okay?"

"I think I'm adjusting well enough, but this situation is rather disconcerting. I don't know how this is working. I suspect that Yukito now sees the world the way I did, but I can't know for certain. If he can read the thoughts I think the strongest the way I could, I've been teaching him to use his magic, but I might be wrong. It worries me."

"It's a lot to deal with all at once," Touya said kindly, placing a hand on Yue's shoulder. "It will take time, I'm sure."

"It's also very strange to know that I'm the one who has no privacy now. I never thought about how strange it was to watch someone's every move and be at least passingly aware of their every thought until I realized I was the one being watched. There are things I think of that I don't want to share, and now I can't help it."

"Yuki is very kind, forgiving, and understanding. I'm sure it will be okay. That's why I love him after all. He's a good person."

Yue shook his head. "It's not him that I'm worried about," he said softly, soft enough that Touya wasn't sure he heard it.

"Yue?"

"It's nothing, Touya." The frown on his face betrayed the denial, but something told Touya that now was not the time to press the issue. Yue looked back up into Touya's eyes and smiled again. Everything was suddenly right with the world as far as Touya was concerned. If Yue could smile, everything was perfect. "It is a bit of a relief to be in this form though. I don't have to worry about the same things now. I don't have to constantly be on guard. I can relax."

Touya just chuckled and shook his head. "It sounds like a very stressful existence," he teased.

"It was," Yue replied impassively. "I plan on treating this like a vacation."

Touya raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

"Starting with this," Yue said softly, then pulled Touya down for a kiss. As their lips brushed against each other, Yue whispered, "I've been craving this since the last kiss we shared."

Touya put an end to anything else Yue would have whispered. Those lips moving like that against his own had tickled, so he increased the pressure. They lost control of the kiss, opening to each other with increasing passion and craving. Touya's heart felt cold though. This kiss terrified him. He was too aware of Yukito being a participant in this kiss as well, and he couldn't stop wondering how this would affect his best friend.

He wouldn't have to wait long to find out.


	8. Chapter 8

_Only yesterday I still thought I could carry through with the plan._  Yukito stared through Yue's eyes helplessly as Touya came closer, urged by Yue's hands. He remembered saying, only a week ago, that he would do what he could to bring Touya and Yue together as a couple. He knew it would hurt, he was ready to accept that, but like this it would be impossible. He couldn't pretend it wasn't happening, or that it was happening to someone else. He would see it every day.

_The way Yue must have seen how I was falling in love all this time...._

Yukito shoved the thought aside, trying to focus on something, anything but the kiss that was going on with ever increasing fervor. It was a dream come true and an unimagined nightmare at the same time. He had hoped and wished for years, imagining what it would feel to have Touya kissing him like this.

_I'm going to tell him how you feel,_  Yue thought, just before breaking off the kiss for breath.  _He should know how you feel, how we both feel...._

_NO!_  Yukito shouted in return. Yue couldn't hear him though.

His mouth opened to say the words--

And Yukito made a desperate attempt to change form. He had listened carefully when Yue had thought through the process, but seeing the images in the mental landscape they had shared was very different from trying it himself. First he gathered the magic necessary into himself, bringing it carefully to his core. He then let it spread through his entire body, feeding the cells with the imperative to return to his magical form. From that point the magic took over, materializing wings to hide the process from the world. Yukito again saw the magic circle with its intricate inscriptions, dominated by a star in the middle. Something about that circle resonated within every fiber of his being, telling him that this was a key to his existence. He had time to wonder if this was the symbol of Sakura's power before he found his eyes opening to the world again.

Touya stared, apprehension clear on his face. "Yuki?"

He managed a smile despite the inner turmoil. It was a weak smile though, and Touya's body language shifted in response. His stance showed a shift toward the protective side, even if the only thing he could protect Yukito from was himself. Yukito needed to pull back from the emotional intensity building again, so he poured all the effort he could into making his smile brighter. "Is that how he kissed you before? That clearly throws me out of any competition!"

Touya drew back as if stung. "It's not a competition, Yuki."

"Of course, not after that kiss!" Yukito joked. Just the attempt at humor was already making him feel like his old self again.

A dark gleam heralded a wicked thought and Touya started to smile. "Fine, maybe it is a competition. But, that means you have to try to win me also."

"I did try," Yukito murmured softly, looking away.

Touya sighed heavily and collapsed onto his bed. "If it's a competition, then why am I the only one who can't win? This isn't fair. I told you last night that I love you. Why isn't that enough?"

"It just isn't," Yuki said.

"Tell me. Why can't I love both of you? You're one in the same, so tell me how it's possible I could fall in love with one and not fall in love with the other? Then tell me why you think it's fair that I have to pick one over the other."

"But, we're not the same. We aren't!"

"How would you know?"

"That's part of the problem. I don't know. How could I?"

"Well, that's what you're going to find out."

Both boys turned to the doorway that had been closed only a moment before. Sakura stood there, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm sorry for barging in unannounced, Onii-chan," she chirped brightly.

"This means that the creep isn't going to change them back, doesn't it?" Touya growled.

She shook her head, smiling brightly.

Yukito turned to her with a cautious smile now. "What about you? Did you learn how to do the spell yourself?"

"Oh yes, I know how to do it now." She stayed where she was, still smiling, but not moving a muscle.

"Ne, Sakura-chan, when are you going to use the spell?" Yukito smiled at her, turning the full force of his charm upon her.

Charm that didn't work nearly as well since the day she confessed her love and had it turned down....

"As soon as you tell Onii-chan the truth," she replied brightly, and then skipped down the hall, singing tunelessly.

Yukito's face fell.

Touya chuckled. "Just remember, I'm the only one who is allowed to call her 'kaijuu'."

~~~~~@~~~~~

Touya walked Yue home, tired of the ever-present grin his sister had worn while they had done their chores that morning. "Who does she think she is today? Acting like that...I can't believe how smug she was all morning. It was irritating."

He half expected the usual type of reply Yukito would give, but Yue was quiet, frowning. "Maybe the cards are a bad influence," he finally said softly.

Touya instantly went from irritated to overprotective. His eyes glittered darkly as he turned on his companion with sharp concern clearly expressed on his face. "Tell me you're trying your hand at telling a joke for the first time in centuries."

Yue only shrugged. "If I were, this wouldn't be the topic I'd decide to joke about."

Touya's frown deepened. "You're saying the cards are exerting an evil influence on my little sister?" His hands balled into fists at the thought and all the implications.

"No, nothing so sinister," Yue quickly assured, giving his usual small whisper of a smile.

Touya refused to be placated so easily. "Then what did you mean, exactly?"

"She has a lot of responsibility now, a lot more than other people her age. So did Clow. Sakura reminds me of Clow sometimes lately, especially the way she was smiling today."

"How do the weight of responsibility and that aggravating smile relate?"

Again, Yue flashed that shadow smile. "It's the smile of someone who knows a lot more than they should, but has decided to be amused anyway. Clow's reincarnation seemed to be the same, the few times I saw him."

"So, the only 'bad influence' from the cards you meant was because she has so much more to take care of and worry about now?"

"Not entirely. She can do more now than nearly everyone else she knows. That includes things that others might find," he paused, frowning, "aggravating." They walked in silence for a few moments before Yue went on. "Clow had an unfortunate sense of humor, and used his magic to facilitate it at times."

"Unfortunate?"

"Practical jokes. Never anything dangerous, but he made many mortal enemies that way."

Touya had to choke back a laugh, realizing that Yue was serious about this. It was hard to picture some old sorcerer with so much power pulling jokes on others. Though, when he thought about Kero's false form he realized that the mage must have had a twisted sense of humor at best. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped at that thought. Yue shot him a bit of a glare, but Touya waved it off. "I guess the idea took me by surprise. No one has told me anything about Clow, so I've been imagining some faceless, ominous figure in robes that would never crack a smile. I never thought of the creator of the cards as, well, entirely human."

Yue looked shocked at first, then sad. He looked down at his feet as they walked, turning the last corner before his house as Yue thought. The guardian in human form looked up at Touya finally, slowing his pace the last few feet of their journey. "Oh, he was very human. Too human in some ways." He started to smile a touch as he spoke.

"Would you mind telling me about him?" Touya kept his tone neutral, ready to listen or drop the subject entirely, depending on what Yue needed.

There was silence between them as they walked up to the house. Yue was clearly deep in thought, so Touya waited, watching his companion carefully, trying to figure him out. There was so much he didn't know about the moon guardian and judgment maker, despite the pieces of the puzzle he had gathered. No one had bothered to sit down and explain anything to him though. He had gotten more of an actual explanation when he had listened to Tomoyo and Sakura explain things to their dad yesterday, but it still didn't fill in many of the holes he knew were in the story.

They reached the door and Touya made a decision. "I'll make dinner for us," he stated.

"I don't eat," Yue said automatically.

"You do now," Touya said with a smile. "Isn't having a 'normal' form all about hiding the fact that you're a magical creation? Well, now you're the 'normal' form, and you have to eat to keep up appearances."

Yue blinked in surprise. He almost forgot to take his shoes off at the door...both out of surprise and because he simply wasn't used to wearing shoes at all. Touya gently reminded him with a kind smile, then headed to the kitchen without another word. He had already started cooking by the time Yue wandered into the kitchen, a thoughtful frown on his face.

"He was in all ways my father," Yue began softly.

Touya blinked in confusion. "What?"

"You asked me about Clow."

"So I did," Touya nodded, smiling reassuringly. "You don't mind if I cook while you talk?"

Yue simply shrugged and leaned against the counter, watching. "I was going to say that Clow was like a father to me, but he was my creator. He was my father. Actually, for most of my existence he was my entire world." He paused for a time before continuing. "He smiled a lot, despite everything we went through. He was soft spoken and kind, but stubborn in his own way. Well, Keroberus called him stubborn. I always thought of him as determined. I already told you about his sense of humor, but he also had a sense of responsibility. He was worried about the cards falling into the wrong hands, so he instilled in me a sense of purpose. Between me and Kero, we were to make sure that the cards had a master both powerful enough to control us and...and...." He broke off for a moment, at a loss for words, and Touya though that he seemed endearingly like Yukito when he hesitated like that. He was acting more and more like Yukito as the day wore on and he grew accustomed to living in this form. Yue smiled when he found the words he wanted. "Pure enough in heart. Yes. Someone who would not abuse the power they would be gaining."

As Yue spoke, peace seemed to fall upon him. Touya could see the pleasant memories transform the cold and lonely guardian. The expression on his face was still far from typical for this form, still more guarded and not nearly as open as Yukito was, but it was a genuine expression. It did them both justice. Entranced, Touya watched the subtle play of a rainbow of emotion cross that familiar face, decoding a new set of expressions. He was so much like Yukito, but so different as well....

"Touya?"

"What?" he asked, still zoning out a bit.

"You're staring, and you stopped cooking."

"Hmmm, sorry. Just thinking." He smiled, returning to stirring the food on the stove. No harm was done; it had been merely a momentary lapse. "It's nice to see you smiling more."

Yue frowned. "Have I been? Or are you just able to see it now? I'm not really sure myself, but it does feel good to be like this. No magic. No responsibility. You don't know how long I envied--"

He broke off, looking stunned.

Touya took the inadvertently revealed information and began to fit that puzzle piece into the big picture. A few more things fell into place. He didn't say a word, he didn't even change his expression, but he finished fixing their meal with a bit more ease to his movements. Putting things together was something Touya enjoyed doing, and his best friend--in all his aspects--gave him no end of enigmatic information to puzzle through.

~~~~~@~~~~~

_He envied me?_  Yukito was shocked by that revelation. It was something he had never imagined.

Yet, the thoughts were still clear to him as the two sat down for dinner. Despite Yue's outward hesitation over eating, he enjoyed the experience and relived his desire to indulge as Yukito had. It hadn't been justifiable in his original form, but now it was expected and gave him the excuse to enjoy the sensation of taste.

_My hunger was a manifestation of his suppressed desire for food. All this time I ate three times more than everyone else--or more--because he wanted to but couldn't admit it._

Inwardly, Yukito frowned. Yue was becoming happier with the situation, but Yukito couldn't adjust to it. He felt nervous. He felt withdrawn. He felt isolated because he was only observing things and not interacting. Earlier he had realized that staying in the magical form was tiring, so he couldn't stay in control like he was used to. Sakura had gently pointed out that missing so much time would be disconcerting to Yue--which Yukito understood all too well. He didn't realize just how considerate Yue had been before.

His head was spinning. This was just completely out of his realm of experience and beyond his ability to cope. His life had been falling apart at the seams before this, but now it was rapidly unraveling while all he could do was watch. He felt completely out of control.

_As soon as you tell Onii-chan the truth,_  Sakura had said. It sounded so simple when she said it, but nothing was harder for him to do. What truth was he supposed to be telling?

How could he admit a truth to Touya that he couldn't admit to himself? A part of himself knew fully well that the truth Sakura wanted him to admit wasn't something so simple as admitting his true feelings for her brother. Not by a long shot.


	9. Chapter 9

A week passed with enigmatic smiles from Sakura and no change in Yukito and Yue. When Touya pointed out that they had to return to classes that Monday she only shrugged. "I hope Yue was paying attention when Yukito was in class then, or he'll be very confused."

"Sakura!" He glared at her, feeling frustrated and protective--a feeling that used to be reserved for her, he noted inwardly.

"Onii-chan, I am not backing down now. Eriol-kun was right; this needs to be done. If I turn things back now, everything will be worse for the attempt. You just have to be patient."

He glared, but refused to fight with her. Not when there was another, more deserving target. He walked to Eriol's house, the rout being indelibly imprinted on his mind after the fateful day of filming where he had saved Yukito's life. The gate opened at his touch, a sure sign that he was expected, but that didn't matter. In fact, he figured that it would be better if Eriol had an inkling of what was to come.

The front door revealed Eriol, standing there with his usual smile. "Welcome to my home, Kinomoto-san."

Touya's eyes narrowed. "Hiiragizawa-san," he growled out through clenched teeth. "Put him back the way he was. Undo whatever spell you have on him, and leave us alone."

"You don't really want me to do that," the young-seeming mage said gently.

"Like hell I don't!"

Eriol drew himself up, seeming taller and older in that moment despite his physical appearance. He frowned, but his face still seemed kind and concerned. "If I had done this only for you, I might reverse it to show you the folly of your wish. However, I'm doing this for him as well. Things can not continue the way they were."

Touya didn't answer with words. He was irrational at this point with the frustration of having his emotions toyed with and the overprotective feelings he had transferred from his sister to the being he loved. He had been helpless to change the outcome of events around him too long. He lashed out, landing a punch directly in Eriol's face. He was aiming for the boy's nose, but hit his cheek instead--and realized that Eriol had only moved the slightest bit necessary to save himself from a broken nose. He had allowed the blow to land.

This knowledge stopped him cold. He watched Eriol's head rock back from the impact, saw the mage stumble backward as if in slow motion. He saw something dangerous flash in those eyes for a moment before it was stringently held in check. That's when Touya realized what he had done and who he had done it to. He was in over his head, and the idea didn't sit well with him.

Instantly Nakuru was at her master's side, staring in shock at both of them. She changed form to Ruby Moon instantly, holding Eriol's shoulder and glaring at Touya. "Touya-kun, I like you and you know that," she purred dangerously. "But I don't like anyone enough to allow that." A crimson glow encased one hand and she began to move it forward, obviously preparing an attack.

"It's okay, Ruby Moon." Eriol held her back, taking off his glasses so he could check them for damage. Finding none, he began to carefully prod his cheek. "I had that coming to me. However, Kinomoto-san will not do that ever again."

Touya agreed silently. It would be folly to attempt something along those lines, especially in the state he was in these days. He had once had a powerful untrained magic that might have helped him stand a chance--maybe--but not anymore.

Ruby Moon looked reluctant to dispel the attack energy she had gathered, but she finally did so when she saw that no more violence was imminent. Eriol and Touya stared at each other in grim understanding. Neither would give ground in this issue, and Touya was going to have to live with more frustration in this issue.

"I'm not here to 'fix it' or 'make it all better' because you want it, Kinomoto. I am here because a creation of my former incarnation needs me. You may not understand this, but he's like a child of mine. A child does not always know why a parent does what they do, but you can rest assured that I have my creation's best interests in mind in this case. You might end up hurt because of my actions, and I'm sorry for the pain I am causing you, but Yue is more important to me right now. He needs this."

A bruise was already springing up on Eriol's cheek, an angry dark red that was swelling quickly. He calmly lifted his right hand before him and showed Touya the ruby glow that had settled there. As he moved his hand across the cheek in one slow, smooth movement, the bruise disappeared.

"I do not delight in hurting others, nor do I torment them for my entertainment. It may seem that way, but please wait and see."

With that Eriol turned his back and walked back inside. Ruby Moon followed after a bit of hesitation. The doors closed behind them and Touya could feel that he was not welcome on the property anymore at this time. There was no finality to it...but he was clearly being invited to leave.

He left.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yukito looked at Touya's hand closely, examining the fresh bruises forming across the knuckles. "What did you hit?" he asked, concerned. "It looks like you punched a brick wall."

"No, just a thick-headed magician," he grumbled.

"Touya! You didn't!"

Touya looked away, wincing as Yukito absently squeezed the hand. He realized what he had done and immediately let go, contrite.

"Yes, I did," Touya answered with finality.

"Why?"

"Every day I see the shadows growing in your eyes, Yuki. You are becoming more and more distant with each passing day. You don't laugh, you don't smile, you don't act like yourself anymore. Yue is happy enough, but you're starting to scare me. I'm just so worried about you!"

Yukito swallowed, hard. He was starting to worry about himself too. Nothing felt right anymore. He couldn't interact with the world; he couldn't do the things he wanted. He wasn't used to sitting back and watching someone else live his life for him. He couldn't even enjoy eating the way he used to. Yue had taken to devouring food and relishing the taste, but from within it was a muted feeling that left Yukito dreaming of what once was. As the days wore on he found himself becoming divorced from the world around him, even as he was aware of all that happened.

This was Yue's life, always. This was what his other half had felt while Yukito enjoyed the world around him without thought or care. They shared dreams now and Yukito saw how existence had been an ordeal since he had been confined to wearing a mask to hide his true self behind. He couldn't consign Yue to this misery again. He wouldn't wish it upon his worst enemy--if he had one. It went against everything Yukito loved.

There was only one answer he could think of.

Yukito brought out a joyful smile; reminiscent of those he used to wear constantly. "I did find one thing that made me smile, Touya." He moved closer to his friend, looking up into those dark, entrancing eyes.

Touya seemed to slump in relief simply with that gesture. "I'm glad," he said, slowly reaching to touch Yukito on the cheek.

Yukito allowed himself to indulge in the pleasure of the intimate gesture. The smile became a bit sad, melancholy, but it was still a smile. He found himself purring as the pleasure washed through him, more intense than he had expected. The sound startled him and made him pull back, remembering his place.

The shocked expression was only on his face momentarily though. The smile returned instantly, larger this time. Only the fact that this was Yue's face kept Touya from catching the manic glint at the edges...it was still a unique expression to see in the guardian form and Touya could not read it well yet. "I found the key to many magical abilities this past week," he murmured.

"You know how to change yourself back?"

Yukito sighed, shaking his head. "No, I don't think I'm capable of doing that on my own. I'll need Sakura for that--"

The question formed on Touya's face again...the question of what truth Sakura meant...but Yukito couldn't give him an answer and Touya had stopped asking. He held his silence now, waiting. Yukito's smile grew again.

"I can return some of your power to you," Yukito said breathlessly.

Touya frowned slightly, taking a step back. "Wouldn't that be dangerous?" he asked, concern smothering his voice.

Yukito stepped forward, coming even closer to Touya. "I know what I'm doing," he said. It wasn't a lie...but it wasn't exactly the truth, and was hardly an answer to Touya's question.

Touya still looked concerned. "Shouldn't we talk to Sakura about this first?"

Yukito had to fight hard to suppress a flash of irritation. Sakura hadn't been consulted when Yue had-- "I have also learned how to use other abilities as well," he murmured, holding a hand up and watching as the cool blue glow wrapped itself around his fingers.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Sakura, having specifically attuned herself to her moon guardian for the nonce, could feel the spell Yukito was about to use. Her heart leapt to her throat, making it impossible to breathe. Her eyes grew wide in stunned disbelief.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Touya felt his will being drained completely. He hung in mid air, head bowed as he waited for the inevitable. With sharp clarity he knew that his friend was doing him no favor. This wasn't simply about returning what had been given.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Eriol suddenly jumped from his chair, staring wide-eyes across town. He could not see the event taking place with his physical eyes, but he saw it with crystal clarity within the confines of his mind. Yukito had taken control of Touya's body and held him helpless before him as he initiated the power transfer.

"Forgive me, Touya," Eriol began to whisper in horror. "I never saw, never imagined that he would do such a thing."

~~~~~@~~~~~

Without knowing it, Yukito echoed those words. "Forgive me, Touya. I can't live like this any more..."

He drew up against the one he loved most in the world and began to call the magic he would need. Sakura's symbol glowed beneath their feet and Yukito took Touya in his arms and began to reverse what had been done.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Sakura raced up the stairs, flying without wings, filled with one burning need. She had to stop this. This could not be happening. She could feel the power pulling around her, burning the air she breathed and filling her eyes with stinging tears. With supernatural speed and strength she found herself pounding down her brother's door.

"Yukito!  ** _No!!!_** "


	10. Chapter 10

Sakura's shout was backed up with great power, blasting her brother and her guardian apart. Panic held her together long enough to see them both fall to the floor, and she prayed that what she feared would not come to pass. When she had opened the door--

She shuddered, recalling what she had seen. Yukito had held Touya closely, almost shoving the magic into her brother, and as the magic traveled between them she could see Yukito fading away, becoming a faint outline of himself.

Sakura now fell to her knees, weakened by the drain in her own energy. She tried to stand again, needing to see if she succeeded in saving Yukito's life, but darkness began to close in around her and a strange buzzing sound made the world seem even more distant. She fought her way to her feet, barely, only to crumple toward the floor again.

Arms caught her, warm and safe and familiar, and as she Eriol's kind and wise eyes she let the darkness claim her, trusting him to do whatever he could.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Touya woke with a pounding headache and some undefined terror lurking in the back of his mind. He found himself in bed, feeling jumpy and wired, but wiped out and exhausted at the same time. He needed to get out of bed and do something, but he didn't want to move. He let out a low moan as he found himself sitting up almost against his will. His head protested the motion by sending a sharp ache from the base of his skull to the backs of his eyes.

"Lay back down, you're not ready to get up yet."

Touya found himself doing what he was told. "What are you doing here, Hiiragizawa-san?" His voice was weak and gravely, sounding strange to his own ears. "What happened?"

Eriol placed a cool washcloth on Touya's forehead, expression carefully neutral. "I wanted to make sure you'd be okay," he said softly.

The cloth eased some of the pain, but the jitters were more intense. He found himself tapping his fingers rapidly in patterns he recognized from the piano lessons he had taken so long ago from his mother. He resisted the urge to start tapping out one of the songs she had taught him, but he needed to do something.

"I can't lay here anymore. I don't care how much my head hurts, I can't lay still."

Eriol just nodded. "You'll probably have insomnia for a while, but you'll adjust to it again before you know it."

"Wait, wait, adjust to what? What happened?"

He looked concerned, searching Touya's eyes for--something... "You don't remember any of it?"

Touya blinked in confusion, trying to figure out what Eriol could possibly be talking about and why someone like him would be showing such concern. It rushed back to him in a blinding flash and Eriol just nodded and turned away. So that was the jittery feeling...magic coursing through his body once again. But, with that thought came another.

"Yuki--Yue...is he...are they--?"

"Alive, but only just. Yukito didn't just return what you had given. He was trying to commit suicide. I'm sorry."

The headache and weariness didn't matter anymore. Touya sat up and almost jumped out of bed. "Where is he?"

"He's not awake yet. You still need to rest more, so please lay back down."

"I need to see him!"

"What would you say to him, if he were awake right now?"

"I don't know, I just know that I need to say something. I can't believe he would do this! What was he thinking? Why would he--?"

Eriol cut him off with a nod. "It might be better if you give him some time to sort that out himself before you go and demand answers. That's not the only reason I want to hold you back though. I want to apologize for all of this. It wasn't supposed to be this way."

Touya stared at the younger seeming boy still seated next to the bed. He was looking downcast, staring at the floor with a rare frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. Touya put a reassuring hand on Eriol's shoulder, smiling slightly when the young mage looked up. "I would never think that you wanted this outcome. Otherwise I wouldn't have punched you, I'd have tried to kill you."

They both chuckled despite the truth in the words...or perhaps because of it.

~~~~~@~~~~~

It was night when Yukito finally opened his eyes. The darkness was so beautifully welcome, giving him a brief glimmer of hope that he had succeeded, but the pain and weariness he felt all over disabused him of that idea. He had somehow survived. Tears slowly slid down his face as realization hit him. His hell was far from finished.

In fact, it was probably just beginning.

He sighed heavily, rolling from his back to his side and curling into a ball of misery. He heard soft movement in the room just before a light flared to life. He blinked a few times, adjusting to the change before he saw a rare somber expression on his former classmate and thorn in his side, Nakuru. She walked over with a concerned expression, a damp washcloth, and a glass of water.

He looked over at her bitterly, frowning with heartbreaking sadness. "I don't need those," he said softly.

Nakuru just nodded, placing the items on the bedside table. "You almost killed yourself," she admonished gently, shaking her head as if talking to a wayward child.

Yukito just looked at her coldly. "I thought you wouldn't care."

Her mouth formed a perfect pout before she replied. "You almost killed Touya."

"Ah, of course. Your true motivation comes out." The words were biting, but there was no energy or emotion behind it.

"You're going to pretend that it doesn't hurt you? Fine, pretend all you like, but you almost killed your mistress as well." This time her voice was cold, almost taunting.

It felt like a knife had been slipped between his ribs. "Sakura! Why? I thought I had--"

"Oh, all the thinking like that won't do you a bit of good. You found a spell and thought to toy with it and didn't think of the consequences at all. You just thought of your own selfish ends. You didn't care that you could have died, or that Yue could have died, or anyone else, all you thought of was that stupid guilt you have about Touya. Honestly, why did you accept his magic in the first place if you were going to regret it so much?"

"That's not what this is about," Yukito said softly, hiding his face in his hands, hoping to shut her out somehow.

"Let me tell you now that there are easier ways for a magical being to commit suicide without risking anyone else."

"How was I supposed to know?"

She sighed, looking at him with a frown. "If you were looking for suicide, you would have found those spells yourself. You were looking for absolution. Or, were you looking for revenge?"

Yukito sat up with a gasp, staring at her with shock and anguish. "Revenge? Touya is my best friend. You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Such an energetic denial. I wonder...did I strike a nerve?"

"Impossible," he stated, glaring.

"Well, let's see. I have a suspicion that may be way off base here, but sometimes it seemed to me that you had a crush on him. I may be wrong, but I was always worried about failing my mission because the two of you acted like more than friends."

Yukito bowed his head, violet eyes falling upon the blanket, tracing the lines of the folds while he tried not to answer. He finally sighed and shrugged. "You are not wrong," he admitted. "I had a crush on my best friend."

"Interesting way of phrasing that...but that's not important. Not now at least. I've never been accused of being able to read people well, or understand hidden motivations, but as one moon guardian to another I have some ideas." She grinned wildly, enjoying her words way too much.

Yukito shrugged hopelessly. "Say what you think, but you're wrong. I don't know how you could think I'd want revenge against Touya for saving my life."

"But he didn't save your life. He saved Yue, right? He didn't even ask you. He didn't talk to you about it. He just did what he wanted, and put you in a debt you could never repay. You were in such a huge debt that you could never approach him as an equal again, so you couldn't admit your feelings for him. And then--he kissed Yue. You discovered that he had feelings for you, but not the part of you that you wanted. So you felt even more unworthy."

"Stop it," Yukito whispered.

She went on. "You always acted so selfless when I knew you before...always smiling even when I was really mean to you, so I would guess that you smiled at Touya and tried to make him happy...maybe by telling him you approved of that even though it actually hurt you. That would be just like you. Maybe you told yourself that it would be okay because at least it was part of you...the better part of you...the part that's actually worth something?

"But, I watched Touya very carefully. He wouldn't be happy with that, so he would have tried to make you happy. Of course, neither of you would have actually bothered talking about it. You are all about masks, and he is all about stoic silence, and neither of you would resolve anything. So it just got worse and worse until my master decided you needed help. Only...he has a fatal weakness. He doesn't see matters of the heart clearly, and he made a mistake. He thought you still love Touya, but you don't. You can't. You hate yourself too much to love anyone else."

"Stop it! You're wrong!" He clapped his hands over his mouth at his shouted words. He never yelled. He had never yelled out of anger as long as he could remember. Something about those words had brought him to a point he never thought he could have reached though.

Nakuru just nodded, acting as if she had expected his response. "You're probably right. I don't know much about people. It was all a stab in the dark. I'll go tell Eriol that he can tell Touya his idea was wrong. Touya will probably be happy to know that you don't actually hate him." She smiled, standing.

Horror crossed Yukito's face, filling his being with dread. "He thinks that? Those were his words, not yours?"

She stood by the door for a moment, hesitating with one hand on the doorknob and the other at her chin, one finger tapping against her lips in thought. "I overheard them talking earlier. That's not exactly what they said, but I never would have thought of any of those things on my own, to tell you the truth. It seems you're an amazingly complex being, Tsukishiro Yukito. I hope I never become like you." Her grin became cruel and mocking, then she left.

Yukito stared at the closed door for a long time. His mind refused to process the words she had said, refused to accept or reject any of it. He simply stared. For a moment he wondered again if Touya thought those things of him or if it was a trick. What was the point? What was the point in any of it? Why the switch in the first place?

He frowned, eyes falling downward to the immaculate white robes and long plaited hair he had almost grown used to. This form had caused him trouble at first, but he had quickly become accustomed to it. It was him after all, just not a part of himself that he remembered. Even the magic came naturally to him now, though he still hadn't found all the spells Yue knew. There were centuries of memories in the other's mind after all. It was too much to sift through in a mere week.

Most of what he had seen in memories was that Yukito made Yue sad and isolated. Things hadn't been like this with Clow Reed. He had taken it personally, thinking that the terrible depression weighing on Yue's soul had to be the fault of having a willful false form with a heart of his own. It was so easy to blame himself when he saw Yue grow happier as he spent more and more time with Touya and the other delights of the world.

"I don't know the answers anymore," he whispered aloud. "I thought I knew, but maybe I was wrong. I don't know anything anymore, especially about myself. What do I do now?"

There was no answer of course. He was alone. Really and truly alone. He finally looked around at where he was, what room he was in. The bed was larger than Touya's or Sakura's, and toward the foot of the bed was an old organ. He recalled Touya telling him about his mother and how she had taught him to play. This was their father's room then. The room was neat, like the rest of the house. Decorations were sparse, but it still looked like a person lived there--not like Yukito's house.

He frowned, banishing that thought. He'd been adding things slowly since he had found out the truth, and slowly his house was looking more like a home. There were gifts and pictures placed in spots he liked to look, reminders that he was a person even if he was not human.

This room though...it didn't have to have mementos to look lived in. In fact, the only things that made the room more than a generic bedroom were the organ--and a photograph that rested on the bedside table. Yukito reached over to pick it up, looking at an image that was a familiar addition to the Kinomoto household. There were pictures like this one everywhere. A smiling young woman of about twenty looked toward the camera with obvious joy. She was always perfectly presented with her soft, wavy hair framing a delicate face. She always smiled as if there was nothing to worry about in the world.

He had heard the stories though. Her family had disowned her for marrying beneath her. She had lost her home, her family, her everything, just to be with the man she loved...and that was why she looked happy. Love had been enough. Love had overcome all obstacles. Even when she had been dying, he was told, she had smiled every painful day just because she had the ones she loved.

Love.

Life is too short, too precious. Yukito had selfishly withheld that happiness from himself and from Touya...and for the reasons Nakuru had said. He felt unworthy.

If Kinomoto-sensei had let such feelings come between himself and Nadeshiko, they would have both been miserable. There would be no Touya. There would be no Sakura. Nadeshiko would have had her perfect family and been forced into a loveless marriage more befitting her station in life, but she would not have had all those smiles she shared so generously with the camera.

"But it's too late to set things right now," he protested toward the photograph. "I messed everything up. I hurt everyone, and Touya probably hates me now. He probably will never speak to me again."

Despite his protests, Nadeshiko still smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

"It's like she's in a coma," a hushed voice whispered.

Cool hands brushed over Sakura's face, wiping away bangs plastered to her skin from sweat.

"It was too much for her. I don't know if she has the energy to return from wherever she is. She gave everything to save them."

"Does he know yet?"

"No, none of them do. Clow's reincarnation might suspect, but he's worrying about too many things right now. They think she's sleeping."

Kero's authoritative voice cut through the whispers. "I can't concentrate on finding her. She's too weak, stop distracting me."

A small voice dared answer. "You've been searching for hours. You're almost depleted, you'll kill yourself if you keep looking like this."

"I don't care! I can't let Sakura stay like this forever!"

The cards danced restlessly in the air above their mistress, each of them terrified of that outcome.

The small voice came again. "She needs moon based energy to find her...that's the connection she lost to the world when she tried to save Yue. You can't find her, Guardian of the Seal--but I can."

The other cards danced around the one, protesting as one. Some began to say they would do it themselves, others cried for another solution, but it didn't matter.

The Mirror smiled at them all and kissed Sakura gently on the forehead. "Kero-san, will you tell her brother...tell him I hope he's happy. Tell him I said thank you."

"You can't do this! I forbid it!" Kero roared at her.

"I don't have to respect your authority when we're not sealed," she said gently, smiling. "It must be done, and only Yue could stop me."

They tried to stop her, but like a shooting star she blazed in the room, rushing to infuse Sakura with her energy...guiding their mistress back to life. Footsteps pounded in the hall, the magic bringing everyone in the house running to see what was happening. As the door opened Sakura opened her eyes.

In her hand was a nearly blank slip of paper. Faint lines on both sides were all that remained...traces made before the original spell had been cast.

Eriol stumbled into the room and fell to his knees as soon as he saw the paper.

Sakura looked at the paper in shocked horror.

Nakuru frowned deeply, glaring at Yukito who had no expression on his face whatsoever.

Touya walked slowly over to his little sister, sitting carefully at the edge of her bed. "Sakura, what is it?"

She pulled the paper to her chest, clutching it to her tightly as tears began to fall. "No," she whispered softly. "It can't be. I fought so hard, I tried so much, this can't...no. She can't be...she can't be gone." Her voice broke on the last word and a sob escaped her chest. Touya pulled her gently into his arms, still confused, but only needing to know one thing. His imouto-chan was in pain. That's all he needed to know to hold her against him, offering his strength and stroking her hair reassuringly.

"Shhh, it's okay Sakura. It's okay," he murmured softly, just trying to be there for her. He didn't think about what he said, he just had to say something to help her. She trembled in his arms and he just held her through the pain and tears.

"No," she denied. "No, no, it's not. It's not okay. No. No! Mirror! NO!" Her crying was now loud, wracking her small frame with the violence of her emotion. "Mirror!"

Touya stiffened. Of all the cards, that was the only one he actually knew. That was the one he had-- "Oh God."

That's when he saw. Sakura wasn't just clutching a slip of paper, that's just what everyone else was focused on. In her other hand were hair ribbons. The ones he had bought for the Mirror card. His hands slid down Sakura's arms until he found himself fingering the beautiful slips of fabric, remembering each time the apparition had appeared in Sakura's form, blushing and looking up at him the way his sister never would. Mirror had been too shy, too delicate to ever fool him into thinking she was Sakura, no matter how she appeared. Even when she had lured him to peril that first time....

And now she was gone.

Another sacrifice made.

He fell forward again, enfolding his sister in his arms as if to shield her from a world where these things could happen. There was a hollow spot in his chest, grief settling upon him once again in his life. All he could do was comfort his sister while everything else in the world faded into insignificance. They sat together, rocking slowly, wrapped up in their own pain.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yue found himself alone in the Kinomoto's kitchen, looking out the small window over the sink at the dark landscape. He quickly checked the clock and was shocked to find that Yukito had taken the form for over 12 hours. He couldn't imagine what could have happened to cause that. What kind of emergency had befallen that required so much magic?

He swallowed, looking around carefully. Dread filled him at the unnatural silence in the house. It was as if everyone was asleep, but why would he be in their kitchen still if--

The front door opened and their father announced his presence cheerfully. Yue heard someone thunder down the stairs, running at a reckless speed, and then Sakura's voice welcomed her father in a high, reedy tone. She sounded as if she had been crying, he noted with a pang. He walked toward the hall with no small amount of trepidation, anxiety holding him back as he heard Sakura sobbing into her father's arms.

He found himself unable to intrude on this moment, but he couldn't understand what was happening. He looked around, confused, with the sense that something was drastically wrong. He couldn't move, not wanting to know, but he was unable to suppress his curiosity another moment.

Slowly, others came down the stairs. Touya was first, walking as if weights were tied to his shoes. He didn't look up once; he just went straight to the entry where Sakura was finally speaking in hushed tones to their father. Eriol walked down the stairs next, followed closely by Nakuru. She was strangely as somber as the rest of them. Eriol shot Yue a glance and hesitated on the stairs for a moment, but he walked over to Sakura and murmured softly in her ear, and Nakuru shadowed him.

Yue backed away from the hall slowly, a strange numbness blanketing him. Someone had died. There was no other explanation for what he had seen. Had there been a sudden battle? Why else would he have been pulled away from the world for so long?

But what had happened?

He wrapped his arms around himself, walking to the living room to escape out the glass sliding doors. He couldn't stay here. If he stayed, he--

If he stayed, he'd find out, and that would make whatever was wrong something that really happened.

He hesitated with his hand outstretched toward the handle, ready to slide the door open.

"Yue." Eriol's soft voice broke the silence in the darkened room. "I need to talk to you." It was Eriol who actually opened the door and stepped out first while Yue still hesitated just a few moments longer. It was hard to force his feet to move, but he finally found the ability to follow.

They stood under the dark midsummer sky, staring at each other uncomfortably. "Clow," he began automatically...then corrected himself. "I mean, Eriol," he tripped over the unfamiliar name. "What happened today?"

"Mirror is dead," he said bluntly.

Yue gasped, eyes growing wide and already filling with tears. "How? Why?" If it had been an attack, why would Mirror of all cards been involved? If there had been no attack, how could this have happened at all? This was just wrong, no matter how he looked at it. Mirror could not be gone. Not her. No.

"She gave up her energy to save Sakura when she--I--" The mage broke off, leaning heavily against the side of the house. He looked as if he were on the verge of breaking down when he said softly, "I should never have interfered. This is all my fault."

Yue still couldn't understand what was going on. He was still trying to contain the knowledge that one of his cards, one of his friends, was now gone forever, but it was too much to grasp. Now there were other details to be added and he didn't know how he would be able to fit it all within himself. Just one thing was too big, but the expression on Eriol's face was so much more.

"I'm sorry, Yue. Please forgive me for what I have done."

He couldn't accept those words. How could it be Eriol's fault that Mirror was gone? Clow had loved those cards so much; he would never, in this life or the last, done anything--anything....

"This is my fault," he said again, tears reflecting starlight now running down his face freely. "I should never have..."

"What happened?" Yue demanded, now frantic. His hands closed around the young mage's shoulders with crushing pressure, demanding an answer he was certain he didn't actually want.

"Yukito tried...." The hesitation was entirely too understandable. Yukito had done something? Of course no one would want to tell Yue when Yukito could hear every word! What would anyone say? "Yukito returned the magic to Touya, then tried to keep going until there was nothing left."

Yue backed away in horror. He couldn't imagine such a thing. It wasn't just suicide, it was...it was....

He began to feel sick as the words began to sort themselves out in his mind. New implications came clear with every passing second as the information was synthesized. He held his hands to his head as if it would somehow help, but the dizzy feeling of being overwhelmed only increased. He fell to his knees in the grass, heart racing and head feeling like it would burst.

He felt arms around him, comforting him and soothing him. So much like Clow, so fatherly and protective, and yet not. There had been a time when Clow was Yue's entire world and all he craved was Clow's love and attention. This would once have been a glowing memory to be treasured...but now it was simply his darkest hour.

"Hush, Yue...my creation...my child...my own...I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I did this to you. This should never have happened, never. I'm sorry." He kept murmuring apologies, holding Yue tightly, offering comfort, but Yue was too numbly detached from his emotions.

Yue finally pulled back, unable to accept any more apologies from his former master. Clow had never apologized to a creation of his, even on the day of his worst betrayal when he had sealed them away and left them forever for someone else. There had been a smile but no apology...and now Eriol couldn't stop apologizing. The world began to spin faster around Yue, filling him with too much to accept, too much to take in, too much to deal with all at once.

"I wish...I wish I could just talk to him. It was hard to watch him every day, and it's harder still to know he's there but only watching me. I know he's part of me, but we still don't understand each other I think. So, I want to talk to him face to face, but it's impossible--"

"Yue, there was never supposed to be such a rift between you and your false form." Eriol looked worried and hesitant about sharing this information with the moon guardian. He opened his mouth to say something else, then shook his head, changing his mind. "If the two of you spoke, do you think it would help?"

Yue shrugged. "I don't know. After seeing me for who I really am, he might not want to speak to me at all, but I'd like to try."

Eriol looked even more troubled for a few moments, then he nodded, standing. He quickly made a swipe at his face, deftly drying tears he didn't want anyone to see. "We'll go talk to Sakura. You're her guardian, and--" he broke off with a sigh, lips twisting in a sardonic grin at what he was about to say. "I don't have the right to 'play' with her guardians as if they were still mine. A hard lesson to learn, but I think I've learned it."


	12. Chapter 12

Sakura looked up at Eriol, once innocent green eyes tainted with more wisdom than he had wanted to see her bear at this age. She had been through too much, and so much of it was at his hands. She bore it beautifully for her age, but at this moment Eriol wanted nothing more than to take it all back. How would she have grown without the cards? What kind of person would she be now? The sadness and weariness would not be so pronounced. The pain she bore would not pull at the corners of her mouth and redden her eyes. Her shoulders would not now be rounded and hunched as if the weight of the world bore down upon them.

But then, she stood up tall and smiled. All the stress and depression rolled off of her, and she looked untainted by events. "Don't worry, Eriol. It will all be absolutely alright, remember?" She reached over and grasped his shoulder.

Eriol's eyes widened, and a smile tried to emerge past the shock. "Your invincible spell."

She nodded, pulling her arms in to clasp her hands in front of her heart. "I can still feel Mirror's essence. It's just a little, but I can feel her now." Tears once again began to shine in her eyes, but they were tears of hope.

"What about Yue? And Yukito?"

Her smile did not falter or fade. "It's a good idea. I don't want to risk using any more magic tonight, I need to regain my strength and I want to hold onto Mirror's essence. It's so weak right now, any spell could drive her from me, but if I can just sleep tonight--"

"It's okay for me to do this then?"

Sakura smiled reassuringly. "I trust you. You love him as much as I do, and I know it." She wrapped Eriol in a tight hug, leaning her head on his shoulder. "We both underestimated the depth of Yue's pain. Neither of us knew things would come to this."

He couldn't help but hug her back. He wanted to argue with her, tell her that he should have known, he should have done something different, but this one little girl was so full of hope and light that he couldn't help but be buoyed by her spirit. This was why Clow Reed wanted her to have the cards in the first place. He would have to have trust in her, just as she trusted him.

"Thank you," he whispered into her hair.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Eriol's spell took five hours to cast. Everyone else in the house had drifted off to sleep by the time he was finished, and even the living room where Eriol had been working was filled with gentle snores. He finally allowed himself to sink to his knees under the weight of the exhaustion he had been fighting for the last two hours. In the middle of the floor, still wearing his hat and clutching his staff, he sank lower until sleep claimed him as well.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yue knew it was a dream plane immediately. He opened his eyes, ready to expect anything. He was met with his strongest hope...and greatest fear at this point. Yukito.

His other half was on the "ground", hunched over, holding his knees against his chest in a classic position of hopelessness and depression. He sat there as if he would cry into his arms, but he simply stared blankly. Yue moved closer hesitantly, and Yukito flinched.

Yue cautiously sank to his knees next to Yukito and waited a moment. He didn't know what to say. He was the one who had wanted this so much, but now he didn't know what to do with the opportunity. He kneeled, pensive, wanting to reach out to the hurt snow bunny, but terrified that he could only make things worse.

"I never wanted things to be this way," Yukito finally murmured. "Everything just went out of control."

Yue nodded, understanding full well that his counterpart could never have wished to cause anyone so much pain. "What was the truth Sakura wanted? The one you would rather die than say."

Startled amber eyes flew up to stare at the slitted violet gaze Yue had leveled on him. A mirthless laugh shook his chest dryly and the corners of his lips twitched. "That's what it looks like, doesn't it? That I was keeping secrets? You know me better than that, Yue."

The judgment maker shook his head slowly. "No, I don't think I do know you that well anymore. If I had any real idea of who you are, none of this--"

"As you will," Yukito shrugged, looking resigned.

Yue stopped cold. He never expected such cold hopelessness from Yukito, of all people. He simply stood, blinking for a few moments, then took a tentative step forward. "What are you trying to say?"

"You haven't figured out what this is about yet, have you?" A smile played at the edges of those lips, looking entirely unlike any expression Yukito would use. Something about it was sending shivers up Yue's spine, sending off warning signs, but he didn't see whatever it was he was supposed to have figured out already.

"You're right. I'm at a complete loss. What are you talking about?"

Yukito shook his head sadly. "It's not that easy. You have to realize it yourself." He stood back, arms crossed over his chest, frowning into the distance.

Yue knew that stance. It was something very familiar to him, though not to watch from the outside. Yukito was imitating his mannerisms. He was doing it in such a precise manner that it couldn't be mocking, it had to be natural, somehow.

A trickle of suspicion began to play at the edges of his mind. "You figured out something that should be easy to me, didn't you?"

Yukito opened his mouth and immediately shut it. "It's different when you're in the background. You can concentrate on things while the world moves on that you can't while you're interacting. You've been busy." He smiled for a moment, and it was a look so touched with sadness that it broke Yue's heart. He knew that smile as much as he knew the borrowed stance.

"You're doing it on purpose," Yue blurted out suddenly, surprising himself.

Yukito barely moved, hardly breathed, but an eyebrow was raised eloquently to encourage further response.

"You're acting like me."

This time Yukito began to shake his head, sadly. "I'm not acting. You still don't understand."

He wanted to react angrily at first, but this was too intriguing of a puzzle. It was an irresistible enigma, so he sat and contemplated it for a while. This wasn't an act. Yukito was behaving in ways he just shouldn't be acting, but it wasn't an act. He smiled while he let the challenge set his mind working...and thus found his first clue.

The smile.

He'd been finding it easier and easier to smile since they had become switched. He thought before that it was simply a side effect of being in love, but now he wondered. He didn't have experience with this strange emotion, so he didn't know for sure how much of it was influenced by love, or how much of it was something else entirely.

"I know that look on your face," Yukito said softly, smiling gently. "You should realize that I remember how it feels to use that expression, but we are not simply the sum of our memories. Eriol either didn't realize this, or didn't remember it when he cast his spells."

"He switched our memories, but nothing else? That's the spell he cast?"

Yukito nodded slowly, looking infinitely sad. "The wisdom and experience to be able to be you is locked in your memories. You came to terms with your circumstances, even if you weren't entirely happy with them."

Yue was stunned for a moment with realization. "You were still trying to cope with your own problems, then suddenly had to deal with mine also."

"In a manner of speaking," Yukito shrugged. "Maybe it was a whole set of new problems on top of both of our problems. I don't know how to think about it. I don't think that they should be just 'your problems' and 'my problems' anymore. They're our problems. We're making them worse by not helping each other."

Yue nodded thoughtfully. It would take some getting used to, it would take a lot of adjustment for both of them. "The first thing we need to do is tell Eriol to end the spell."

"Yes."

"What do you plan on doing next?"

The snow bunny's eyes widened. His mouth fell open slightly, then a look of pain crossed his face. "You mean about Touya?"

Yue waited for Yukito's reply, silently showing that it was a question with an obvious answer.

Yukito finally sighed. "I don't know. I love him, and I think I always have. It's not enough to just love him though."

A bit of a smile pulled at the corner of Yue's lips. "Why not?"

The landscape of the dream realm swirled chaotically for a moment before resetting itself. Yukito had his eyes closed, frowning deeply, but when he opened his eyes there was a question written clearly on his face. "I don't know. Every objection I have seems flimsy now, like a little kid making excuses. I need to think about this...."

Yue reached a hand out to Yukito. "So talk to Touya about it. When you're done with that, talk to me about it. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you."

The mortal shell took the immortal's hand for the first time, and they found each other smiling the same smile. "We'll be able to talk?"

Yue nodded. "I'll find a way, even if I have to leave you notes."

"Your optimism is contagious."

Yue smiled and cupped Yukito's cheek gently. "It's your optimism. I'm only borrowing it for a time. Share it with me when this is over?"

Yukito grinned, nodding.

The walls of their dreamland fell away.


	13. Chapter 13

Touya woke in his room, alone. Even after a night's sleep he didn't know what to think of everything that had happened. He took his time getting up and getting dressed. It was overcast outside, and a light mist-like rain drizzled gently against the window. Beyond that though, there were already beams of sunlight breaking through the rain, and it was obvious that it would burn off by lunchtime.

He slipped on a pair of pajama bottoms, trying to decide ahead of time how he would deal with things. It was no use. Mirror was still dead, no matter how hopeful Sakura had been last night. She had used the word "possibility" when she told him that she might be able to bring Mirror back. It had reminded him too clearly how there had been a "possibility" that their mom could come home the next day...or the day after that...or next week.... Dad, the doctors, everyone had said "possibility" about her, but she had never come home.

On top of that, his best friend had been the one that did it. The guy he had trusted all these years now. The guy he had fallen in love with. He had killed--

No. He had made a mistake. A very bad mistake, but a mistake nevertheless. He couldn't blame Yukito for what had happened to Mirror and what had almost happened to Sakura. He was probably just as devastated as everyone else by the outcome. Yukito had always been a gentle and kind soul, and the thought of making everyone he loved suffer so much was probably pure hell.

For half a moment Touya entertained the thought that it was all he deserved for what he had done and what he had tried to do. It was tempting to hang onto the anger that went with that thought, but he couldn't do it. This was his Yuki. He wouldn't fix a thing by resenting his friend. He had to go see what he could do to fix it. He finally walked from the room, finding his purpose, finding a reason to start the day.

Down the hall Sakura was singing one of her childish little tunes. Her spirits were returning from the shocking blow they had taken last night. He immediately dismissed thoughts of their mother and concentrated on what Sakura had really wanted to tell him. There was hope, she had told him. It was a small hope, but as long as her friend was within her, as long as Mirror was aware within the strengthening energy of his sister, there was hope. Touya smiled a little as he paused in the hall, he could 'feel' what was going on in there again, and 'feel' where she was despite hearing her. It was a comforting feeling that he didn't quite realize how much he had missed.

As he walked down the stairs he could hear someone cooking in the kitchen. He was shocked when he realized it was Nakuru--he hadn't thought of her as the type to be so considerate. She had only ever been an annoyance to him before, but seeing her this time he realized how much of that had been an act. No, not all of it was, but enough that she wasn't grating on his nerves quite as much as before.

From the living room came signs that Eriol was groggily stirring to life, still tired after casting the spell, but still more powerful than Touya had guessed from before. It surprised him how much he was able to glean from his surroundings suddenly--until the feel of Eriol's presence began to fade, hidden almost completely by the "background noise" of everyday things. A moment later, Eriol walked into the kitchen with a smile, waving Touya in to join them.

Touya shook his head, declining the offer for now. "Where's Yuki?"

But, he knew as soon as he asked. He didn't wait for an answer, he went directly out to the back yard. In the limbs of the tree, Yukito was sitting and swaying his bare feet in the air. Touya grabbed a branch and climbed up, sitting across from him on a branch where he could look his best friend in the eye and face what needed to be said.

"Good morning, Touya. I was hoping to see Eriol first, but he wasn't awake yet."

"He's awake now, if--"

Yukito shook his head. "No, that can wait. This is more important. I need to apologize."

Touya looked closely at his friend. Yukito still looked like Yue outwardly, but he seemed to be finding himself again within. He was alive again, in a way Touya hadn't seen from his friend in too long. Still, he looked at this change with a wary eye. Yue and Yukito both had proven they were too adept at wearing masks to hide what truly drove them. It would take a long time to rebuild that trust. "You scared me, Yuki. A lot."

"I know. I scared myself too. I don't know how to tell you what's been going on inside my mind the last few weeks. There was too much to handle, I was just getting used to the idea that Yue exists, and I don't think I had quite accepted it. Then there was kissing, there were more blackouts to deal with, and I didn't know what you cared about, I didn't know where I stood with you, and I was starting to hate myself. Why couldn't I just be happy that you might have found someone to be happy with? Why was I so scared?"

Touya tried to place himself in Yukito's shoes and winced. He hadn't really thought about it from his friend's point of view, he was so busy trying to figure out how to deal with the chaos in his own life that he hadn't really been able to empathize with the one who was most important to him. He had stood, confused and hurt, completely unable to understand why Yukito was acting the way he had been.

"Yuki, I was probably pushing you too hard. I'm sorry I didn't understand--"

This was met with genuine laughter. "This is my apology, not yours!" Yukito's eyes sparkled, dancing in little patches of weak sunlight that was now starting to illuminate their surroundings. It was a bit of a shock to see his friend able to laugh like that again, finding some part of himself that Touya had been afraid that Yukito had lost forever. "Also, there is nothing you've done that I need to forgive. You did nothing wrong." Yukito's tone became serious again. Touya opened his mouth to protest, to explain, but Yukito was already speaking again, not giving his friend a chance now that he had finally found his voice.

"When I found myself in Yue's place, I was already falling apart. You knew this more than anyone else, but there were things I hid even from you. I was terrified and couldn't see a way out, and that feeling was amplified by being put in a situation I was never meant to be in." He brushed a stray lock of hair out of his face, and over at Touya with clear eyes that begged for understanding and compassion. "It helps to be able to explain this to you. I probably should have tried it before, but I was scared...." He trailed off, looking down at his hands.

Touya found himself reaching over, trying to offer comfort or forgiveness through touch alone, but his hand hadn't even met the half way mark when a cheerful cry came from the house. "Touya-kuuuuun~! Yue-saaaaaan~! Breakfast is ready!"

Touya gritted his teeth, biting back a sharp retort. Instead he muttered, "Hmm, now *that* is the Nakuru I remember. Poor timing and all."

Yukito laughed, and Touya's scowl melted into a grin. Things were returning to normal. They weren't there yet, but they showed signs of heading in that direction.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yue found himself standing in the back yard under the tree. The misty morning rain was easing now, though the air was still heavy with moisture. Touya was lightly jumping from the tree, wearing loose blue cotton pajama bottoms--and nothing else. He landed gracefully as a cat, his taut muscles shifting, rippling, clearly showing his strength as he easily kept his balance.

"Breakfast is ready," Touya announced after he landed. "I'm just going to run upstairs and get dressed first. It's find for you or Yuki to stare at me like that, but from Akizuki it starts to get annoying."

Yue blinked, surprised. "I wasn't staring! I don't--"

Touya just smiled and rushed inside. Yue followed at a more dignified pace, still protesting internally that he hadn't been staring.

_Ah, but you were staring, and so was I._  The soft voice came from within, but was somehow also separate. It was very faint, but it was there.

"Yukito?" He whispered it aloud, uncertain if wishful thinking had prompted the mental words, or if they were actually from his alter ego. He concentrated on listening, holding perfectly still so he could know--

There was nothing. That didn't necessarily mean anything though. He walked inside, forgetting about food as the glimmer of possibility overcame physical desires. He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, crossed his arms, and waited for a lull in the conversation at the table. Sakura and Nakuru were chatting animatedly while Eriol smiled and occasionally commented, but Yue still didn't have long to wait before he had brought silence to the group with the weight of his presence.

"Eriol, could I speak with you?" He was polite and formal, hesitating to tear the reincarnation away from nourishment after such a difficult spell. Still, he had to ask.

Eriol smiled and nodded, standing and grabbing an apple in passing. Yue followed him back outside, where they stood just outside the door on the small porch. Eriol leaned against the car parked nearby and took a bite out of the apple.

"Is it possible that Yukito and I could talk to each other? Without another elaborate spell or something of the sort?" The words came out in a hopeful rush before he had even thought about it. Yue immediately blushed, chiding himself internally for acting like a child...like he had acted around Clow so many years ago. Why was this coming back to him now?

Eriol nodded, waving the bitten apple in the air a bit. "You should have been able to before. I misjudged the magic, and I have--ah, but I apologized last night. Yue, I tried very hard, Clow tried very hard, but I'm not perfect. Now though, you should be able to communicate with Yukito. It will be easier once the two of you are returned to your rightful places."

"So, that really was him," Yue murmured softly. He felt something in his awareness shift a little, coming to accept the connection he had with his other self. It was more than just mask and magic. It was a realization of his nature in a way.

"It's already happened? Good. I think I have meddled enough around here for now." He finished the apple and tossed the core in the air, where it promptly disappeared.

"You're leaving?" It seemed too sudden. Just when things were getting resolved, this mage would disappear into the mists and reappear only to cause trouble again.

Eriol nodded. "It's time for me to go. I'm surprised you want me to stay, Yue, after the mess I made of things this time."

Yue gasped, despite the twinkle of humor clearly present in Eriol's eyes. "Of course I would want you to stay!"

"Yue," Eriol forestalled further protest by raising his hand. "Trust me, within a day you won't miss me. That is my hope. It's flattering that you hold me in such regard as Clow's reincarnation, but you have a shining future ahead of you. Look forward, not behind."

These were all the words that were implied but not said the last time they parted. Yue knew that Eriol was right, but his heart was reluctant to let go. He frowned, wanting to protest, but he knew it wouldn't make a difference. Eriol smiled up at the guardian though, as if he could tell exactly what was in Yue's heart. Maybe he could. Yue found himself smiling in reply though, and that made his apprehension melt away. "I will."

"I know. Now, let's go and enjoy breakfast. After that I will fix my mistakes, and leave everyone else to fix their own. Good luck."

They returned to the kitchen, finding it more crowded than Yue had ever seen it before. Everyone was crowded around (or in Kero's case, on) the table, talking animatedly, obviously enjoying the food. Yue slid next to Touya, in a chair that had been brought out of storage for the occasion. It was crowded, but no one complained. From the smiles on most faces, you couldn't tell what had happened the night before. It was strange, but it was--necessary. After only a moment of hesitation Yue allowed himself to fully enjoy the food and the company offered.


	14. Chapter 14

A week had passed, and the next Sunday morning had dawned bright and clear and as early as only summer days could. The first week of school after vacation had proved to be hectic, and wonderfully new-student free this year. Touya's work schedule had kept him too busy to spend any time in private with Yukito or Yue, and in public the usual smile was left securely in place on his friend's face. The morning after had been giddy for all of them; the rush of possibility had brought smiles all around. Eriol had left Sakura with one of Clow's old books with his notes on creating the cards as well as a wish of good luck for bringing Mirror back. She had cried on his shoulder with tears streaming down her face and a grateful smile.

Touya hadn't fared much better. When Eriol had returned Yukito and Yue to the way they were supposed to be, he had felt weak with relief and overwhelmed by hope. There was nothing that couldn't be done, no words that couldn't be said, no obstacles that couldn't be overcome at that moment. Despite his usual cautious stoicism, he had found himself smiling all day. It had been like a strange party, and again Touya hadn't had any time left alone with Yukito or Yue. At the time it hadn't mattered, but now....

Touya jumped out of bed and rushed to the shower. The day was just dawning, and no one else would be up. He enjoyed the hot water as it ran across his body, but didn't give himself much time to savor the sensation. He rushed through his morning routine, faster than he would if he were heading either to school or to work. A hastily scrawled note on the whiteboard was left for his dad or Sakura when either of them woke up, then he raced out of the house and tore off on his bike.

The morning wind blowing through his damp hair cooled him despite his frantic pace. His heart was pounding, but it had started this frantic need to go faster. He was driven by an urge to finally end this--or maybe to finally let it begin.

He smiled, preferring to think of this as the beginning rather than the end. Even if it was the end of so many terrible events...it was the beginning of something new and hopefully wonderful. "I hope it's that easy," he panted softly as he finally pulled up to Yukito's house.

His friend wasn't expecting him. This was to be a surprise, and hopefully a pleasant one. That's why he had rushed at daybreak to leave as soon as he could. He wanted to spend as long as it took to set everything right, once and for all.

He had almost reached the door when his newly reawakened sixth sense told him that his friend was not inside. He was sleeping, yes, but not where Touya had expected him. With a grin he walked around to the side yard and began to climb up the ladder he found there. He wasn't sure what to expect, but--

It was a twisted, reversed déjā vu for him. His eyes were met by the sight of his beloved Yue fast asleep on the roof, fairly glowing in the light of the morning sun. The sight nearly brought him to his knees. Yue's white hair had worked loose of the braid at the end. He was laying on a blanket of glowing white strands, wings beneath him like a heavenly down mattress, robes slightly rumpled and askew but still holding their formal mystique. Yue's face was beyond words, the hard look of grief or cold look of his terrible self-control entirely erased. Sakura might not recognize this being as the same guardian that had made her scream in surprise for so long.

Somehow though, this was the Yue that Touya had always known. It had only taken sleep to reveal the utter truth.

Touya was careful not to step on the snowy strands as he crept closer, but it was very difficult to manage. By the time he was close, vivid violet eyes were blinking slowly open and looking directly at him. "Good morning, Touya."

"Good morning, Yue." Touya smiled, his heart melting at the sight before him.

Yue began to float upward, gathering his hair and his dignity in an instant, immediately looking like his old self. His hair was floating free around him for a change, but he looked very much the same as the first time Touya had seen him up close. Well, no, his expression was different. It still bore the same calm softness that sleep had granted the moon-ruled guardian.

"I'm glad," Yue began, drifting close so he could reach out and touch Touya, caressing his cheek.

Touya didn't give Yue the chance to finish his sentence though. He grabbed Yue's hand and planted a kiss in his palm. "I love you, Yue. This morning though, I want to spend with Yuki."

Yue nodded understandingly, but did not begin the transformation right away. He instead pulled even closer to Touya, wrapping arms and wings around him and trapping his lips in a kiss. Touya kissed back hungrily, meeting passion with passion, thrilling to the feel of this intimate caress of lips and mouth, and indeed, the entire body as they pressed against each other, hands exploring and holding closer and closer--

Again the sensation came mid-way through the kiss, like the last one they had shared on this roof. Touya eased the kiss, but did not stop it. As magical cat's eyes changed to a more human appearance and long hair became shorter, Touya let his new partner set the pace of the kiss. Apprehension curled within his gut, but he did not break off. He would trust Yue this time. The guardian hadn't left from fright or shame this time, so Touya had to trust that there was some other reason.

The kiss went unbroken.

Yukito's eyes were wide with shock at first, but soon his amber eyes closed and he began to kiss Touya back. There were indefinable differences between the way Yue kissed and the way Yukito kissed, and Touya was enjoying the discovery that there was a difference. There were hesitations between them that had never occurred when Yue kissed him, but now with Yukito, there were. That wasn't how it was different however. It just was.

And that proved beyond anything else, any other of the recent events, that no matter what Clow Reed had intended, these two were different people. Touya was in love with them both. He would just have to be honest about it and see what became of things.

If this kiss was any indication though, Yukito would at least be understanding.

Touya chided himself for his train of thoughts. He couldn't assume. He had to speak his mind and be honest, no matter what. If he assumed the wrong thing because of this kiss, a whole new series of disasters could befall.

They broke off the kiss, panting and staring, each afraid to be the first one to speak. "Touya! That was, I mean...wow, no, that was--" Yukito took a deep breath, looking down for a moment and blushing. "Good morning, Touya."

"Good morning, Yuki," Touya replied breathlessly. He hooked a finger under Yukito's chin, bringing the smaller man's eyes to meet his own. There were no glasses on his face this morning, a difference that would take getting used to. Yukito still wore them to school where others were used to seeing him with glasses, but he was quick to discard them when they weren't necessary...and had sometimes absently forgotten them even in classes.

"Were you kissing Yue?" The question was gentle this time, and almost teasing as an echo of what had happened before.

Touya nodded. "He started it, but yes...yes, I was kissing him as well."

Yukito smiled slightly, pulling a step away and looking thoughtful. His hand brushed over his lips absently while he thought. "And then you kissed me...."

"Yes."

Yukito backed away further, then sat down. There was silence between them for a time and Touya decided to sit as well. A shocking moment later Yukito reached over and grabbed Touya's hand, twining their fingers together. "What would you do if I asked you to make a decision between him or me?"

Touya swallowed hard, a lump forming in the center of his chest. "I-I don't know. I don't think I could. Yuki, I love you, but I also love Yue."

"You don't give your heart lightly."

"No, I never have," Touya agreed in a ragged whisper.

There was another pause in the conversation while Yukito looked off into the distance. Touya's palms began to sweat and a cold prickle danced down his spine as he thought about being forced into that decision. He couldn't decide. He finally wiped his hands on his jeans, pulling away unconsciously from the one that had the power to do that undesirable thing. He hadn't asked it yet, but he could...and then what would happen?

"You know that Yue and I are not the same. You can't treat us as if we are."

Did that mean...? "I know. I won't."

"I don't know how well this will work, but I do know I can't live with the way things were. I love you too, Touya. I don't know if I'm ready or not for this, I don't know if you will be able to deal with how different I am or--"

"Yuki, I have loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you. It terrified the hell out of me, but I stayed by your side. I have known since that time that you're different, but that wasn't what scared me. Maybe it won't work between us. Maybe trying to be in a relationship with you and with Yue at the same time will tear us all apart. Maybe it won't. I'm ready to see for myself, one way or the other. I won't be scared away. Any relationship is a risk, but if you don't take the risk you can't earn the reward."

"I never thought I'd hear you say something like that, Touya."

He looked away, ducking his head and grinning slightly. "Ah, well, I can't claim all the credit. I was working at the restaurant earlier this week and heard a couple saying something along those lines. It just--it made sense. I've been waiting all week to say it to you."

"It's a strange way to get words of wisdom," Yukito said with a smile, "but it really makes sense. You-you're willing to risk your heart for me?"

"For you, and for Yue. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I think I'm glad I don't. We'll find it, we'll make it, together."

~~~~~@~~~~~

The sound of the phone ringing startled Sakura out of a homework-induced doze. She answered it absently, her mind still on school and homework and the probability of one of her friends calling to compare answers or double check that they wrote down the right assignment. Mundane life had reasserted its control of her routine, sweeping aside the fantastic with the hectic yet tedious detail that drives the lives of children everywhere.

The last thing she expected was the bright and cheerful voice of Nakuru, practically yelling in her ear.

"Sakura-chan! Hi! We miss you! How are you doing over there? We're doing fantastic, but we need your help!"

"What? Help? Why? What's wrong?" Sakura was on the verge of panic, trying to figure out what on earth Eriol and his guardians could possibly need her help with. What could possibly have gone wrong that Nakuru would be calling like this?

"It's terrible! Eriol is practically moping, and he doesn't want to admit it. He's too quiet and he's no fun, you have to help me. Tell me that everything worked out to a 'happily ever after' please! Or, better yet, tell him!"

Sakura blinked and uttered her trademark confused, "Hoeee~?" She heard the phone change hands on the other end of the line, and voices from a muffled conversation.

Eriol's deep and confident voice finally came through. "Hello, Sakura-chan. I'm sorry to bother you like this."

"Ah, no, I should have called you sooner! I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Eriol reassured her. "So, how are things going?" he asked with some hesitation in his voice.

"I'm almost finished returning Mirror to her card form. It's strange having her within me like this, but I think I'll miss her when this is over. She honestly thought she would cease to exist when she offered her energy to help me. I didn't know that any of the cards would be so kind." As she spoke she hugged her arms around herself, feeling Mirror's warm presence within her blush. Yes, she would miss this when the spell was complete.

"The cards love you more than anyone or anything, Sakura. Any one of them would happily sacrifice themselves for you. It's a lot of power, and a lot of responsibility."

"Yes," Sakura said, nodding despite being on the phone. "I thought I understood that before, but this made it mean so much more. I love the cards too, and I don't want any of them to be hurt. They're individuals. They're people. Maybe they aren't human people, but they're still people."

"I'm glad," Eriol said softly. Sakura could hear Clow in his voice; she could feel how protective and loving he was toward the cards. They shared a bond of understanding that no one else could begin to share because of these cards. Sakura smiled even wider as she basked in the glow of that bond. There was one person in the world that really understood her. It was wonderful.

"Everything else is going well also. Onii-chan hasn't been spending much time at home, but when he is here he's a lot happier. Neither of them has said anything, but I'm sure he must have worked things out with Yukito-san. He was over for supper last Sunday night and they kept acting so cute! I hope they stay like this forever."

"So, Ruby Moon was right. There really has been a happily ever after."

Sakura laughed. "I suppose so. Things are over, and everyone is happy except for Tomoyo-chan. She was disappointed that she wasn't there to film everything, but I don't think it would have been the same if she had. Well, the important thing is, everything is fine now." She said it with a strong finality. Even though things weren't entirely resolved and set in stone, even though events were still dynamic, everything was going just fine. "So, you can stop moping," she teased.

"She was exaggerating," Eriol protested with a laugh.

"Maybe she was, but she was probably worried too. I promise I'll write to you soon and let you know how things are from here on. Okay?"

"I'll be looking forward to it."


End file.
